Know What My Favourite Mexican Holiday Is? Cinco DENIED-O!
Thanks to LindsEy with an E, in honour of Sally Draper getting caught taking a trip to Pleasure Town on Mad Men, have you ever been caught masturbating? Remember: It only counts if you were doing it for free, and not on camera. (Jezebel)
And speaking of flicking the bean, a new study revealed that female orgasms have more to do with the mind than previously thought. I’m assuming that “previously thought” means “zero”. Sure, women can mentally will themselves to orgasm and men can’t, but can you literally fuck yourselves? POINT: ME. I mean men. I mean FUCK! (Zelda Lily)
Just in case you needed another reason to watch Futurama, the writers actually created an entirely new math theorum specifically for an episode. That’s right: Futurama invented new math. (Gamma Squad)
Kiefer Sutherland in a speedo? Surprisingly, not bad … Not bad at all. Yeah between yesterday’s Billy Idol love and the fact that my last two boyfriends were 33 and 41, I certainly have a type. And of course, it’s Jack Bauer, so you know he’s packing heat. (popbytes)
Know what the best part about being Christina Hendricks’ friend is? She will model your stuff for your Etsy store. No, seriously, she will pimp out your hand-knit scarf. HARD. (Buzzfeed)
Here are the seven best murderous … things in movie history. HOLY SHIT, Gary Busey was the villain in a movie about a gingerbread man that killed people. THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER! (Topless Robot)
Miley Cyrus’ new movie will feature her losing her virginity, kissing two girls, getting a Brazilian wax and toking. Fun little fact here: Everyone of my girl friends growing up did all this and more. *Cue the moral outrage* (Film Drunk)
Oh yippy hooray, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston will be reuniting for an upcoming episode of Cougar Town. Because, you know, this worked so well for Dirt, didn’t it? (Warming Glow)
Now that she’s run out of feminine hygiene products to dress up as, Lady Gaga’s new schtick? Dressing up like slutty nuns! … Yeah, that makes total sense. (Yeeeah!)
It’s official! Tiger Woods is officially divorced, which means he can now bang whores the way God intended: While not in a committed relationship to someone else. (Evil Beet)
Because we did this last week, here’s a look at who might be up for a Best Actor nomination. You guys had me until they got to the part about nominating anyone from Eat, Pray, Love. Really? Fuck the what, people. Fuck the what. (Cinematical)
Here are five inventions you wouldn’t have thought came from war but totally did. No shit, they invented tampons because of World War I? Get the fuck out. (Cracked)
And finally, here’s a neat little song about your ex trying to be your friend on Facebook. Because I really want to hear all about how much you love your “wifey”, or how you had sushi for the sixth fucking day in a row, or see the pictures of your 50th tattoo that doesn’t make any fucking sense. Still a hell of a lot better than reading the stupid blog he doesn’t even write. $10 to whoever can figure out who I’m talking about.