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Kristen Schaal Makes You Think About Alf Eating P*ssy

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | August 18, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | August 18, 2010 |

Courtesy of our resident sex columnist Dr. Pisaster, here’s some erotic fanfiction written by Pajiba fave, Kristen Schaal. Just a quick warning: once you read this, you cannot unread it. (Nerve)

Alex Skarsgard was naked on the cover of Rolling Stone and you’ve already clicked the link, huh? Well, it’s too bad, because I haven’t even gotten to the part about how he doesn’t wear a cock-sock during sex scenes. You’re welcome, everyone. (Celebitchy)

Laurence Fishburne is no longer talking to his daughter, Montana, after her decision to go into porn. Alright, as someone who went through this, I can completely understand how both sides feel. That being said, my God if Montana didn’t go into this in the absolute fucking dumbest way possible. (Evil Beet)

Fun fact: If you slow down a Justin Bieber song 800%, it sounds EXACTLY like a Sigur Ros song. Where are your Gods now, indie music lovers? (Towleroad)

Tyra Banks released a trailer for the new season of America’s Next Top Coat-Rack and managed to insult pretty much everyone who’s not dying of malnutrition. Now she wants you all to know that she’s very sorry and that if you don’t buy all the product placements you’ll be fat, and nobody loves fat people. (popbytes)

Good news, ladies! Untamed pubes might be back in style! Okay, now granted I’m so gay I can’t tell the difference between a cooch and an ass (sorry about that one), but feel free to talk amongst yourselves as to whether your vagina looks more like Sinead O’Connor or Diana Ross. (Zelda Lily)

Well, now that the Zombie Apocalypse has been (*ahem*) “proven” to fail, you can all take solace in the fact that scientists have taught robots how to feel anger and fear, which means we can all look forward to a robot apocalypse! Which is sorta like a zombie one, but less cool. (Gamma Squad)

Apparently, British audiences are laughing their asses off at The Last Airbender, and not just because it sucks. As it turns out, “bender” in British people talk means “gay”. Soooooo … Yeah, that would be like saying “The Last AirGay”. Hee! (Film Drunk)

Just when you thought that TV was doomed, The Gregory Brothers (the guys behind Auto-Tune The News) are developing their own show for Comedy Central. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Clause. (Warming Glow)

Bad: Michael Douglas has throat cancer. Good: Diora Baird’s boobies are out on display. In the same post. See if you can follow that train of thought off a cliff, why don’tcha? (Yeeeah!)

And now, a scene from the critically acclaimed, Academy-Award nominated film, White Pop Jesus. Allow me to just clarify real quick: This was an actual move that was actually made, that actual people paid actual money to see. Kill yourself with this knowledge. (FourFour)

Okay, don’t make fun of me for this, but my temporary roomie got me addicted to the new season of Big Brother (I HATE YOU ALL) and ever since I’ve developed a crush for Lane, the resident big dumb hot guy. Anyway, it looks like there’s now footage of him trying to stifle his O-Face in the shower, and I’m not sure if this is hot or hysterically funny. I’m going with both. HA! (Dlisted)

Because really, who doesn’t love a good hearty bowl of chili, here’s a recipe courtesy of Sara. (Godtopus Eats)

Here are the ten worst lyrics from the ten richest rappers. Seriously; we paid a collective $220 Million for this? What the fuckedy fuck? (Buzzfeed)

Because apparently, this week is “adorable animals doing adorable things” week here in the video section, look! A group of penguins trying to chase a butterfly!

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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