Your Flame Wars Displease Me
Jeez people, what the hell? You guys do realize Pajiba Love is a place where we make fun of stupid celebrities and watch funny-cute dog videos, right? Not that I don’t appreciate the open exchange of ideas and stuff, but… YIKES. Chill, out guys. Anyway, I’m taking the Figgy route here and posting a hot, muscley shirtless guy in order to soothe you; the only difference is, unlike Figgy’s wussy guy, mine is bigger and more imposing because he will not take your shit and if he catches you guys in another us v. them thing again, he will mess you up. I don’t care how annoying they are; for the sake of my ever-expanding email box, play nice!
And now, just to show you I still love you all: ZOMBIE SHARKS. Specifically, there’s a film adaptation of Afterburn starring Gerard Butler and zombie sharks. Did I mention the zombie sharks? Because there are zombie sharks. Zombie sharks? Zombie sharks. ZOMBIE SHARKS. (io9)
And speaking of zombies, if you play Bruce La Bruce’s L.A. Zombie in Australia, the police will raid your home. And yet in America, you are allowed to inflict Norbit on an unwitting public? Seriously? (Queerty)
So at first, I heard Natalie Portman was making a female sex comedy, and I was all like “yeah, I can get behind this!” And then she was like “Oh, by the way, I blow a fifteen-year-old boy in the movie” and now I just feel… wrong. (Film Drunk)
Are you drunk yet? No? Well then here’s a site devoted to cocktail recipes based on video games. Which is great, because it combines the thing I used to avoid my family when I was a kid with the thing I use to avoid my family now! (TheDrunkenMoogle)
Because her other two children turned out so well, Dina Lohan is planning on sticking her third kid in a movie she’s producing about heroin-addicted teenagers, because Dina Lohan doesn’t understand irony or foreshadowing. (popbytes)
What happens when you take The Situation and Bristol Palin, the two people least qualified to talk about safe sex, and put them in a public service announcement about preventing teen pregnancy? This. This happens. (Celebitchy)
Sadly, 2010 isn’t over yet, but it’s never too early to think about what you’re thankful for! Specifically, being thankful for being able to bitch about things on the internet. Wee! (Hobo Trashcan)
I’m guessing Christina Aguilera really, really, really wants you all to see Burlesque, because she decided to fork over a bunch of money to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I swear, the girl is literally *this close* to just going door to door with freshly baked cookies and a sign around her neck saying “please see my movie!” (Agent Bedhead)
Are you ready to see the absolute coolest van you will ever see that doesn’t turn into a giant robot person that shoots laser cannons? Yes, yes you are. (Gamma Squad)
Here’s what the entire world looks like if you happen to be a gigantic racist. Say what you will about Canada, but do NOT be talking smack about the penguins! Thanks Scully! (Some E-Cards)
So Eva Longoria and Tony Parker apparently got divorced, but then as it turns out they weren’t, and then I remembered that I don’t actually know who either of these people are, and then I ate a cupcake. (Celebslam)
Here are 17 apocalypses you’ll never see coming. On one hand, it would kinda suck if the world blew up, but if it means Tila Tequila no longer existing, I’m okay with this. SEE YOU IN HELL, CRAZYTITS! (Cracked)
And finally, here’s what Dora The Explorer would look like if it were written by a six-year-old instead of a bunch of a-holes who keep talking down to your kids. THE FUCKING BALLOON IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU, BITCH! TURN AROUND!
Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here. Please include your Pajiba handle in the subject line, because he sucks with names.