Do you have tissues on you at the moment? You’re going to need them: Wayne Giroux, a Texas mechanic, was killed by a drunk driver five months ago, and ever since then, his dog has waited at the same spot he used to wait for him every day without leaving. It’s official: The “Jurassic Bark” episode of Futurama is real. (BWE)
This one is from jM, and no, it doesn’t involve raping pandas. Although it does involve picking a totally obscure word and adopting it. For example, I adopted phlyarologist, which is basically a fancy word for a trash-talker. Woohoo! I finally have a job title! (SaveTheWords)
I don’t understand why John Oliver — the British correspondent on “The Daily Show” — is even discussing Tim Tebow, but man: He hates Tim Tebow (with apologies to Kolby). (UglyFours)
As you all know, I can’t resist supercut videos; they’re like Jesus covered in chocolate and confetti, and you don’t say no to chocolate-confetti-Jesus, so here’s the “You look like shit” supercut video. (Film Drunk)
If you missed last week’s episode of South Park, then you pretty much missed one of the most straight-up cathartic moments on TV as Cthulhu killed Justin Bieber. See Bieber? Thsi is what happens when you release a song whose chorus is made up but nothing of auto-tuned “baby”s repeated 18-times, ya prick! (popbytes)
Do you want to see a bunch of GIFs from last week’s episode of Community featuring the cast stripping down and shaking it? Yes you do. So here it is because the internet loves you very,very much. (Warming Glow)
Remember that super cute black an white polka-dot dress Mondo created on Project Runway that stupid fucking Nina Garcia dared Heidi Klum to wear? Well, she wore it to the premiere of Black Swan, because fuck you Nina Garcia! I hope you enjoy your stupid dumpy brown clothes. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
Robert Pattinson went on the record to say that he loves Antiques Roadshow because he loves it when someone thinks they have something super expensive and then they realize it’s actually a piece of shit and you can literally see their soul breaking through their face. BEST. SHOW. EVER. (Agent Bedhead)
Here are ten celebrities who need to be on more magazine covers. I’m just going to go ahead and throw all of my support behind Janelle Monae on this one. Seriously, have you heard her new album? It’s fucking amazing on so many levels. (The Gloss)
Okay, so this is ridiculously cool: Someone made an updated, 3D version of Super Mario Bros. 3 and it looks goddamn amazing. Also, is anyone else a little shocked that Bowser has 8 kids now? That is some Jon and Kate shit right there. (Gamma Squad)
The Westboro Baptist Church tried to protest another soldier’s funeral this weekend, and ended up having their tires slashed. The best part? No one in the town would volunteer to fix the damage. Everyone point and laugh at the terrible, terrible people! HAHAHA! (Tulsa World)
Because learning from the mistakes of your past is for suckers, Lindsay Lohan was out and about over the weekend with her dad and doing photoshoots. Oh for fuck’s sake… Why don’t you just turn her upside down, stick a funnel in her nose and just pour the cocaine into her? (Celebitchy)
So at first, Cindy McCain was all like “Oh, I support the NoH8 campaign and appealing DADT”, but then she was all like “Oh, wait, never mind, you guys can actually fuck off again”. But hey, it’s okay; it’s not like we need equal human rights that badly, am I right? (Towleroad)
To help start off your weekend, here’s a video of a beagle puppy play-fighting with a rottweiler. Awwwww, the little beagle puppy thinks he’s such hot stuff… But he’s so tiny!
Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here. Please include your Pajiba handle in the subject line, because he sucks with names.