I’m just going to preface today’s post by letting you all know that I’m moving into the brand new apartment today! Wooo! Yeah, after being dicked around for fucking ever and a half, I finally get to move into a steady, comfortable home. BOOYAH!
Oh look, someone decided to put the first ten minutes of Easy A online and it’s actually pretty amazing. Well a’doy, of course it is. I honestly don’t think Emma Stone can do wrong at this point. Hell, she was the only saving grace in The House Bunny, and that movie sucked allllllllll the dicks. (Film Drunk)
I’m sure this must come as a shock to many of you, but Heidi and Spencer Pratt are getting back together, because fake divorces for fake marriages are just a huge money suck, aren’t they? It always makes me happy to see two people work it out for the sake of the publicity. (popbytes)
How well do you know your Disney Villains? Take the quiz. Feel inadequate. Love thy neighbor. (Litelysalted)
Hey, remember when Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber did a photoshoot together and Justin Bieber’s fans decided to have her executed for touching their precious little snowflake? Well, she wants them all to fuck off and die in a hole now. (Agent Bedhead)
Some Christian College in Michigan canceled a show by The New Pornographers due to (wait for it…) the name of the band. Are you fucking kidding me? If you honestly think Mass Romantic is some unholy force against God, your brain is fucked. (Pitchfork)
With the end of Oprah almost upon us, ratings for the show have gone through the motherfucking roof and Oprah’s raking it in. HAHA! Just kidding. The ratings have actually gone down because no one wants to watch her. (Warming Glow)
So a bunch of nerds got together and made a fake trailer for a dark and gritty reboot of… Pokemon? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, I guess stuffing animals into tiny balls and forcing them to fight for your amusement is kinda gritty, but still, why is that chick pointing a gun to her head? (Topless Robot)
And speaking of video game movies that will never happen, here are seven games that would make great movies. Say what you will about the game, but a movie based off of American McGee’s Alice would still kick Tim Burton’s ass any day of the week. (Cinematical)
Good news, everyone! Lindsay Lohan might be hosting Saturday Night Live! Oh, wait, did I say good news? I meant “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” (Celebslam)
Actual Story: A woman loses her husband, falls into despair, plays video games, and neglects her children and pets. Fake Story: WOMAN ADDICTED TO VIDEO GAME KILLS PETS AND ABUSES CHILDREN EVERYBODY PANIC! (Gamma Squad)
The NFL is considering moving cheerleaders closer or on to the field of play during NFL games to increase the excitement and participation. (Ugly Fours)
Know how to tell if your life is severely fucked? If Anna Wintour thinks you are a spoiled brat, your life is fucked. Isn’t that right, Lady Gaga? (Celebitchy)
And while we’re on the subject of Gaga, here’s everything you wanted to know about Lady Gaga’s meat dress, but were too ambivalent to ask. Seriously, that was REAL meat? Holy fucking shit, that is the grossest thing ever. (Buzzfeed)
Once again, Coco decided to wear something that shows off her ass, which I’m fairly sure will one day cause the Earth to veer off from its natural orbit and plummet into the sun. Basically, Coco has doomed us all. (The Superficial)
Oh. My. God. I don’t understand where the fuck Paula Deen fits into all of this, but this video will absolutely make you lose your fucking mind.