As of my writing this, it’s 9:30 in the morning and so far I’ve had to spend an hour at my rental office because my roommate can’t pay his rent on time and my board is populated by fuck-ups, and then someone tried to crush me with an elevator door. GUESS WHAT KIND OF MOOD I’M IN?
Anyway, to start things off, here are five good things and five ridiculously awful things about Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. Really? You could only find five things wrong with it? (Topless Robot)
Here are ten mindblowing easter eggs hidden in famous albums. Mildly not safe for your brain, as it includes Aphex Twins’ Come To Daddy. Whoever directed that video deserves to be punched in the throat. (Cracked)
Oh goodie, they’re rebooting Firestarter now. Because the story about the little girl that starts massive fires with her mind wasn’t gritty enough, was it? (Screen Junkies)
Dina Lohan is still pissed at Gwyneth Paltrow for making a crack about Lindsay on an episode of Glee from last month, especially because Dina said that Gwyneth and Lindsay were such good friends. Why was this woman allowed to have children again? (popbytes)
And because I just flat-out love “best of” lists, here’s the second half of the best tracks of the year. Aaaaaaaaaand cue the music troll! (Pitchfork)
Carnie Wilson has admitted that she’s “fat as fuck” (her words, not mine) and that she’s okay with it. Hey, as long as that means she won’t do another live webcast of her internal organs, I’m okay with it too. (Zelda Lily)
Remember everyone: This Christmas, if you’re going to be bringing a little furry bundle of joy into your life, adopt, don’t buy! Or else Santa will crush you with his jolly boots of doom. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
For those of you who don’t know what alignment charts are, they’re graphs that map characters on the axes of “lawful-chaotic” and “good-evil”. Why is this relevant? Because here’s a pretty sick alignment chart for The Wire. You know you love it. (Unreality)
A propos of nothing, here’s what happens when you fill a C-3PO pinata with fireworks and let that fucker fly. (Asylum)
If you were eliminated from your fantasy football playoffs this weekend, you’re not alone. You can commiserate with this gentleman. Dustin is responsible for making him weep. (Ugly Fours)
How big of an idiot is Elizabeth Hurley? Well, she cheated on her billionaire husband with a cricket player who has a double chin. And it’s not like billionaire hubby was fuggo either; the guy looks a hell of a lot better than the guy who plays a fake sport. (Yeeeah!)
Here are the ten most depressing Christmas songs ever. No surprise, Tom Waits’ song about a sad prostitute makes the list, but does Ben Folds Five’s Brick count as a Christmas song or not? (Nerve)
Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens split up. Ummmm… Okay? I guess. Do kids still care about these two, or did they stop doing that in 2008? (Evil Beet)
At the risk of freaking you all the fuck out: GAH! THERE ARE ONLY 10 DAYS LEFT UNTIL CHRISTMAS! Hopefully, you’ve managed to pick up some decent gifts, and if not… Well, you’ll probably end up like these guys.
Jeremy Feist is Pajiba’s resident link slave and dicker of halls. You can email him links here.