Good news! I think. NASA has discovered a new form of life that uses arsenic in its cellular structure instead of Phosphorous. I will be totally excited about this as soon as I understand what in the sweet-baby-fuck-sauce this means. (Gamma Squad)
So Stephenie Meyer got her own comic book because being a boring, sexless author who writes about douchebag vampires is apparently a super power now. Guess how awful it is?! Nope, more awful. Nope, more awful! (Comics Alliance)
Here are the 13 Best songs from Mystery Science Theater 3000. All together now! Gamera is really neat, Gamera is full of meat! (Topless Robot)
Oh internet, will you ever learn? Some leaked sexting pictures of someone who was reportedly Miley Cyrus leaked online yesterday, but there was just one problem (aside from the fact that Miley only turned 18 last week): It looked nothing like her. (popbytes)
So Bill Murray awarded Robert Duvall a lifetime achievement award at the Gotham Awards the other night, and while I have no idea what the fuck was going on in his speech, I’m pretty sure it was badass. (Agent Bedhead)
Yup, it’s that time of year again! It’s the special time of year where people talk about the war on Christmas and crazy-ass extremists get to pretend that they’re the persecuted minority because not everyone celebrate a federal holiday. True story: The rental board decided to post a “Happy Holidays!” poster downstairs in the lobby. Someone crossed out “Holidays” and wrote “Merry Christmas!” In response, I crossed out “Christmas” and wrote “It’s spelled ‘Yule’, D-Bag.” (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
So apparently, little racist white kids think Marmaduke was awful too. But not because of a bad script or anything like that; it’s because Marmaduke is an allegory for disempowering white people. Children: They’re like little blank slates you can fill with your own soul-rotting hatred. (Film Drunk)
And speaking of racism, Padma Lakshmi was on the cover of TV Guide, where her skin was lightened to the point where I now feel kinda tan. (Warming Glow)
They finally did it; they finally hacked the Kinect so that you can play Super Mario Bros. by running and jumping. Sure, you look like a total spazz, but that’s the price for awesome. (A.V. Club)
So if you saw Ashton Kutcher’s whore and thought “Yup, she’s gonna release a sex tape with Vivid Video”, congrats! You have a higher cognitive function than a fucking rock. (Celebitchy)
Here are the seven scariest stage parents in movie history. Sadly, none of them come even close to the terrifying self-delusion of Dina Lohan, but that’s just the kinda crazy you can’t copy. (Cinematical)
Alright, so I haven’t started decorating for Christmas just yet, but I’m already jealous of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen because the bitches spent $7,500 on Christmas lights alone. Seriously, with that many lights I could pretty much wall-paper my apartment. (Celebslam)
Here’s a live-action spoof of Road Runner cartoons that proves once and for all what I knew all along: The Road Runner is a total asshole.
Jeremy Feist is the resident link slave, so if you got some links, feel free to send ‘em this way.