While you guys south of Canada are celebrating Columbus Day, we up here in America’s hat are celebrating Thanksgiving. Wee! Which is great, because I managed to catch a stomach bug on the one day of the year I’m supposed to eat and I’m super woozy and incoherent. Super. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving/Columbus Day to all. I need to throw up again. Anyway, onto the links!
Either FOX has a really good sense of humour about itself or is just really behind the times, because they gave graffiti artist Banksy the greenlight to direct the couch gag to last night’s episode of The Simpsons. The results would probably be kinda funny if they weren’t horribly depressing. (Buzzfeed)
Alright guys, it’s Courtney Enlow’s last day at Hobo Trashcan, where she’s written for three years, but worry not because she’s moving over to Pajiba now! Woo! So let’s all support her by reading her last article about high-class escorts. (Hobo Trashcan)
Hee! Sesame Street finally got around to parodying The Old Spice commercial, and what it lacks in timeliness it makes up for in BEING FUCKING AWESOME. Seriously, why does everyone love Elmo so much when Grover is clearly the best Muppet on Sesame Street? (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)
Do you have your eye on a cute girl, but you don’t have the looks or personality to win them over? Well that’s okay, because Allie Brosh is here to teach you how to make girls love you the old fashioned way: by fucking with their minds! (The Gloss)
Ho. Lee. Shit. Someone who clearly does not appreciate life voluntarily watched Fred: The Movie and then reviewed it. How the fuck anyone could possibly listen to a screeching teenage harpy for longer than two seconds without felating a semi-automatic, I’ll never know. (A.V. Club)
So professional famewhore Shauna Sand took her kids to the pumpkin patch, where she behaved in a dignified and respectful manner, and HA! Just kidding. She actually wore a six-inch skirt and flashed her panties to everyone. Mother of the year, this one is. (popbytes)
Universal has pulled the trailer to the upcoming Vince Vaughn movie, The Dilemma, after Anderson Cooper complained about it’s use of the term “That’s so gay”. Funny, I would have figured they’d pull the trailer because it looks goddamn awful, but hey, either way this is a victory for all of us, right? (Film Drunk)
Hey look everyone, Gerard Butler is back filming a L’Oreal commercial. Okay, the hair is a little unfortunate, but you know what? Fuck it, I wouldn’t throw him out of bed for eating crackers. (Celebitchy)
Clearly, I may have jumped the gun on declaring Teddy Ruxpin the creepiest Teddy Bear ever, because Edith sent in this link to a Teddy Bear made out of placentas. Because when I think of “cute and cuddly”, I think of the vaginal lining that a woman excretes following a birth. (Inhabitots)
For the less-fortunate half of you who have to work on Columbus Day, maybe this will brighten things up for you: That kid from Two And A Half Men? Now he makes $300,000 per episode, and the shows been picked up for another 48 episodes. See? No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of others! (Warming Glow)
And in other horribly depressing TV news, that Lauren Conrad girl from The Hills is getting another reality show on MTV that will basically be The Hills 2: Electric Boogaloo. At this point, it’ll take a wooden stake and a silver bullet to put these assholes down. (Celebslam)
M. Night Shyamalan was at the New York Comic Con this weekend, because apparently there are still a handful of Manhattanites who think he’s a valid filmmaker. Anyway, he said he doesn’t do DVD commentaries because they feel like gynecological exams, because if anyone knows anything about having a vagina, it’s M. Night Shyamalan. (Agent Bedhead)
Oh look, computers are now starting to learn our languages and are using it to find out more about us. Oh sure, it seems all fine and dandy now, but when computers finally figure out where to stab human beings in order to inflict the greatest amount of pain, don’t come crying to me. (Gamma Squad)
Thanks to The Pink Hulk, here’s a shirtless guy lipsynching a Kristen Wiig skit from Saturday Night Live to gay up whatever holiday you happen to be celebrating today. Honestly, just pick either one. You’ll be fine.