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Oh Yeah Baby, Stick Your Fallack In My Rugen

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 9, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 9, 2010 |

Because holy shit, this is an actual thing that exists, here are the best Craigslist Ikea-Sex postings. I can kinda understand the thrill of having a sexy man around the house who can put together furniture, but if the idea of affordable Swedish furniture gets you so hot you need to fuck in the store, see a professional. (The Nerve)

Alright, so there’s a new product out there that covers up your breasts when you’re breastfeeding, and here’s where I stand on this: Back when I was a waiter, I had a few customers who breastfed at the table. I’m totally open to breastfeeding in public, but at the same time, would you PLEASE give us a little notice ahead of time so we can mentally prep ourselves? (Zelda Lily)

So some bass-ackwards little church in Florida decided that they were going to burn the Qu’ran on the anniversary of 9/11, and Angelina Jolie was like “Don’t do it, dumbass”. On one hand, this is America: freedom of speech applies to all speech, even the shit you don’t agree with. On the other: this probably won’t piss off anyone while our troops are still deployed overseas. Nope. (popbytes)

Speaking of Freedom of Speech, it is one thing to say “I don’t approve of gay marriage”. It’s another thing to say “HANG THEM QUEERS” and then get all self-righteous when people call you on it. You have as much a right to call for my hanging as I have to react in an according way. (AngryBlackLadyChronicles)

And now, a quiz on literary terms, which is the only part of English class I consistently failed hard at, mostly because I could never remember them and always got them wrong. (Litely Salted)

So just when you thought it was safe and that the fucking Twilight movies would just end with A WEREWOLF FALLING IN LOVE WITH A BABY, someone decided that the world needed a movie based on one of the craptastic spin-off books. Fuck me upside-down. (Film Drunk)

Billy Ray Cyrus is getting his own show where he investigates paranormal phenomena. Really. I’m pretty sure this will amount to him spouting cutesy downhome-isms and shitting himself everytime the fucking floor creaks. (Evil Beet)

I’m not sure what Delocated is, nor do I care, but EEEEE! It features a suit with live puppies in all the pockets! So cute. You all know what to get me for Christmas now. (Warming Glow)

So now that the Speidi sex tape is a big lie and Karissa Shannon once again has no reason, BOOM! Out pops a sex tape with her and someone else. I swear, celebrities probably have this big red emergency button they press when everyone stops caring about them that sends a sex tape to Vivid Video. (Yeeeah!)

Are you from a town called Fort Gay? You are? Well then you might want to stay off of Xbox Live or else Bill Gates will come to your house and crush you with his wallet for using the word “gay”. Really. (Gamma Squad)

HA! Someone finally did what we all wish we could do and egged Dina Lohan’s door. Ha ha, your a failure as a mother and now there are aborted chicken fetuses all over your fucking door. (Dlisted)

Someone finally cut out the middle-man and is now just selling cereal marshmallows by the box. Coming from someone who regularly woke up in the morning after my three brothers and found a lot of Lucky but no Charms, I approve of this. (Serious Eats)

Do you want to see Chris Klein embarrass himself horribly in Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li, but don’t want to sit through a movie that will cause you to scoop out your eyes with a melon baller? Well you’re in luck!

Everything Chris Klein Says in “The Legend of Chun Li” from Jeff Rubin on Vimeo.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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