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I Want To Try This At Home

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 8, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 8, 2010 |

Here are the 8 True Blood sex scenes you shouldn’t try at home. I know they say not too, but let’s face it: There isn’t a single one of us here who totally wouldn’t be up for fucking Eric. Pretty NSFW, but still, it does heavily feature Alexander Skarsgard’s ass. (The Nerve)

I totally haven’t seen Piranha 3D yet, only because it isn’t playing anywhere in Toronto (fuck the what, TO?), but good news! Not only are they planning a sequel, but YOU get to decide who gets their cock eaten by angry fish! DEMOCRACY! AMERICA! WOO! (Screen Junkies)

For those of you with a boner for classic 80’s teen movies, there’s a John Hughes quiz on Litely Salted. Unless, like me, you weren’t even conceived in the 80’s, there is no reason why you shouldn’t score at least a B on this. (Litely Salted)

So Bristol Palin said she was going to be the most modestly dressed contestant ever on Dancing With The Stars except whoops! She still looks like a hoooooooer. Alright, mini-rant here, but does anybody else find it disingenuous that her livelihood is based on her saying how awful it is to be a single mother and how everyone should be abstinent, despite the fact she earns massive amounts of money for being a single mother and for spreading her legs for some backwoods hillbilly with a flat ass? Rant over. (popbytes)

Is online dating proving too hard on you? Well you’re in luck! Here are six ready made personal ads from Allie Brosh guaranteed to score you some sexin’. Just be careful: sometimes it really is a velociraptor on the other end of that screen name. (The Gloss)

Here are the 28 happiest breakup songs ever. FUCK AND YES to Rilo Kiley’s Breakin’ Up, and yes, Ben Folds Five’s Song For The Dumped is on the list too. (A.V. Club)

Oooooo, look! A new clip from Glee! …Which is used to promote credit card-sponsored charity work. Oh shut up, everyone is allowed to like at least one TV show of questionable taste and I’m using my freebie on Glee. Suck it. (The Flickcast)

Remember girls: Make sure to massage your breasts regularly to check for lumps! Or in Heidi Montag’s case, to make sure your implants don’t harden. No, seriously. (Celebslam)

Hey, you guys remember those bouncing balls on the Google homepage yesterday? Well, as it turns out people are absolutely losing their goddamn shit trying to figure out what the hell was going on with that one. Bouncing balls = ZOMGWTFBBQSAUCE. (BWE)

Why is Tim Gunn awesome? Because Tim Gunn fucks bitches up. Just in case his verbal bitchslapping of Gretchen weren’t enough, she basically kicked Anna Wintour right in the Thatchers on Regis & Kelly. (Celebitchy)

Here ye, here ye: The greatest post you will ever read about Troy Polamalu’s hair. (Ugly Fours)

For those of you who want to look like a 87-pound Diet Cokehead, Kate Moss is launching her own clothing line called “Iconic Kate”. Oh boy, more fugly clothes that no one will ever be able to fit into! (Agent Bedhead)

Duke Nukem Forever is finally coming out (Gosh, where have we heard that one before?), and to celebrate the fact, someone went ahead and made Duke Nukem steroids because of fucking course they did. (Unreality)

Some French newspaper decided to promote themselves by saying that 9/11 could have been avoided if those silly Americans had just made their towers smaller! Eat all the dicks, French newspaper. ALL THE DICKS. (Towleroad)

I’m not going to spoil the exact contents of this one, but this picture of Snooki may be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen EVER. The best part is, she’s probably completely serious about it. (The Superficial)

Alright, nobody say anything, but I totally know what I’m getting jM for Christmas this year. Shhhhhhh…

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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