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Awwwww, Chris Brown Needs a WHAAAAAmbulance

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | June 28, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | June 28, 2010 |

Good news, everyone! I’m taking over Pajiba Love for the day! …Really? No one cares? Ah fuck it, here comes the links that you people so desperately, desperately crave.

The BET Awards were on last night, and Chris Brown started crying like a little bitch halfway through his performance. Awwwww, what’s wrong Chris Brown? Are you sad because you violently beat your girlfriend or because your last album sucked ass? (FourFour)

Because we aren’t totally aren’t sick of Lady Gaga at all, she spoke to Rolling Stone about how her dreams are secret Illuminati codes. Somewhere out there, Dan Brown just came his pants. (Agent Bedhead)

Now that Futurama is back on the air, which is pretty much irrefutable proof that there is a loving God, here’s an interview with executive producer and head writer David X. Cohen. (A.V. Club)

So Jennifer Love Hewitt went out and bought a giant-ass pile of porn. All I can say is that between Jamie Kennedy and Brent Corrigan … well, she certainly has a type. (popbytes)

Here’s Katy Perry putting her two best assets out on display. Shockingly, they’re not “her musical abilities” or “her wonderful personality”. They’re her boobies. (Evil Beet)

Did you miss out on the Twilight: Eclipse premiere because you have a life and/or self-respect? Well no worries! Here’s a glimpse at the desperate pile of sadness that was a billion delusional Twihards and Kristen Stewart’s bitchface. (BWE)

That Taiwanese news service that created the Tiger Woods CGI video returned with one for the Al Gore sexual abuse scandal. Say what you will, but they perfectly captured Al Gore’s stiffness, glowing red penis and ability to shoot lightning bolts out of his face. (Warming Glow)

Here are The Best Fictional Movie Geniuses. However, it does not include River Tam, so therefore, this list is null and void. (Unreality)

Oh joy upon fucking joys: Dina Lohan is pitching a new reality TV show so that everyone can see what a complete failure as a mother she is. (Celebitchy)

While the last Harold and Kumar movie was a steaming pile of disappointment, Neil Patrick Harris is coming back for the next one alongside Patton Oswalt. (Screen Junkies)

Apropos of nothing, here’s a review of SyFy’s Dinocroc vs. Supergator. Seriously, they’re not even trying anymore, are they? They’re just sticking a blindfolded monkey in front of a dartboard and just leaving it all up to chance, aren’t they? (EW)

Here’s a list of the Worst Movies NEVER Made. I don’t know about you guys, but a film version of The Lord of the Rings starring The Beatles makes me want to set myself on fire. Thanks Arib! (Slate)

Sure, the corpse of Tyra Banks’ crappy talk show might not even be cold yet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of it for being several kinds of total ass. So here’s an animated version of Tyra and her audience freaking out over Vaseline.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his sorta-NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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