Hey guys! Before we start with the links, I have a bit of news. Recently I’ve started a brand new full time job, and the pressure of putting together a daily column every day on top of trying to absorb a LOT of shit in an extremely involved position has been — how can I say? Exhausting. And stressful. And overwhelming. And so on. So starting next week, Jeremy Feist — who is basically like a little gay version of myself — is going to be helping me out around here. I’ll still be around, although I don’t know yet to what capacity. But I can tell you this much: I sure as hell don’t want to hear any bitching about it. Got that? Also, I’m really hot and cranky; thanks a lot, East Coast heat wave. Now on to your links, you link-grubbing link whores.
Anyway: It’s official! Richard Simmons is gay. Well, not official in a “Richard Simmons came out of the closet” sort of way, more in a way that a male escort outed him. Which is so much classier than coming out on your own, in my opinion. (Celebslam)
Ryan Seacrest is trying to not be such a gay by pretending to date that chick from “Dancing With the Stars.” See you in 25 years, tell-all by the male escort who Seacrest is banging now! (Celebitchy)
Here are 10 of the best rock star performances in films. (Screen Junkies)
Well here’s something I never knew before: Apparently Saturn, as in the planet, was named after a baby-eating cannibal. (mental floss)
Robert Pattinson thinks that there’s a “whole system of internet journalists” out to get him, which is of course ridiculous. But what else do you expect from a guy who EATS BABIES. (Agent Bedhead)
I love it, how with just the right objects blurred out — even the Food Network can be porn! (Warming Glow)
Tamatha is always sending me in these links from Craftastrophe, and I don’t know why I don’t link them more. Anyway, this offering would actually make the perfect wedding gift for my dumb shithead of an ex who is getting married next month. I noticed their registry was strangely devoid of dead rabbit-face art. (Craftastrophe)
I hate “Jersey Shore.” I also hate Twilight. Jimmy Kimmel is growing on me. So what’s good about this Twilight spoof with Jimmy Kimmel and the “Jersey Shore” cast? Yup: Almost nothing. (Film Drunk)
Here are eight awesome yet obscure British TV shows, none of which I’ve heard of other than the Will Arnett-David Cross thing. But on the subject of (relatively) obscure and awesome British shows, the entire series of “Peep Show” is now available on Hulu. Tell ‘em I sent you. (Topless Robot)
You know why good, hard-working American folks with morals hate the French so much? Because they take a product as delicious and wholesome as Orangina and make it all about gay bestiality. Why is it always with the gay bestiality with you Frenchies?
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.