Charlie Sheen’s Mercedes hurled itself off of a cliff, making a valiant attempt at ending its own life. (Agent Bedhead)
I know Megan Fox gets a bad rap and all, and to be fair she can be pretty irritating at times — but I have a new-found respect for her after hearing that she corseted her waist down to eighteen inches for Jonah Hex. OW. (Celebslam)
Not content with just being a monumental shit stain on pop culture, one of the fuckwads from “Jersey Shore” is trying his hand at “rapping.” (Yeeeah!)
Elizabeth Hasselbeck attempted to stand up to Kathy Griffin on “The View,” since Griffin has famously made the ignorant blonde host the butt of many jokes in her stand-up act. So yeah, how’d that work out for you, Elizabeth? (Evil Beet)
Oh, look. The first official image of the creepy new Smurfs hanging out in Times Square. I’m sure Times Square has seen weirder shit in its day. (Screen Junkies)
Here are five films that phobics need to avoid. What is the fear of waking up in a German mansion with your mouth sewed to somebody’s ass? Oh, Human Centipede doesn’t make the list. (Cinematical)
Here’s a peek into the Twilight-themed bedrooms of sad, lonely girls and women who will never have a fulfilling adult relationship. (Unreality)
Great news! If you’ve always wanted to see a shrew with eight kids vying for the attention of eligible bachelors, Kate Gosselin might be getting her own “Bachelorette” (or “I Love New York”) style dating show. (Celebitchy)
Ohmygod, this is the BEST quiz ever: “Did Bear Grylls Really Eat That?” Nine out of ten, bitches! (mental floss)
Some dude is making a tongue-in-cheek “comedy” sequel to Manos: Hands of Fate. And by “tongue-in-cheek” I mean “embarrassingly terrible.” (Topless Robot)
Keeping up the tradition of two-faced kitties and Nicolas Cage in this week’s column, I bring to you the weirdest Nic Cage-related thing on the internet ever. Well, maybe.
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.