Parents who are planning to take their families to see Shrek 4: More Donkey Fart Jokes in some areas this weekend are going to get the kind of box office raping like literally having Shrek himself brutally fist your asshole. (Film Drunk)
Here’s a list of six movies with celebrities materializing as ghosts or imaginary friends. (PW)
Bret Michaels is back in the hospital after suffering a minor stroke and doctors discovered that he has a hole in his heart. (!) Shame he’s not the lead singer of Extreme, amirite? Too soon? (DListed)
Oh, so Michelle Duggar’s vagina was vacant for all of like, thirty seconds, so we can’t have that now, can we? (Evil Beet)
The inevitable “Glee” porn parody shockingly features penis-vagina type sex. Ha! I just said “vagina” two links in a row. (Screen Junkies)
Hey, so I bet you’re all just dying to know which C-List actors and starletards are going to get butchered in Scream 4. Eh? Eh?? (The Playlist)
Here are a bunch of “now and then” shots with the stars of Top Gun. Basically, everyone who hasn’t been sprinkling L. Ron Hubbard’s remains on their Grape Nuts for the past 20 years looks old. (Unreality)
Seth Green and his new bride talked about the squishy romantic details of how they met and their adorable nerd wedding, it it’s just so sickeningly sweet it makes me want to vomit rainbows. (Celebitchy)
As long as there are people on the internet with too much time on their hands, there will be websites like these. This one has compiled every blackboard gag in 20+ seasons of opening credits from “The Simpsons.” (Bart’s Blackboard)*
Oh, here’s a slap in the face to Megan Fox. Heidi Montag wants to be her replacement for Transformers 3. She just needs a few ribs removed and more of her chin shaved down before she’s “camera ready.” (Agent Bedhead)
I’m sure you’re all just dying for an update to the Lindsay Lohan situation. She’s going to avoid jail time, but only if she wears an alcohol monitoring bracelet. Something tells me this is going to play out like in one of the Crank movies. (IBBB)
Oh, goody. Morgan Spurlock is directing Joss Whedon’s Comic-Con documentary. Ooh, I hope he’s able to work in a good hippie birthin’ scene. (Cinematical)
Here’s a drinking game for the finale of “Lost.” It’s OK if you get too drunk to notice some of the intricate details, you know you’ll probably watch it over again like a hundred times, anyway. (Holy Taco)
*Before you all bitch, I was also having some trouble getting the Bart’s Blackboard site to load, but wanted to include it anyway just in the hopes that they get their server issues resolved.
Remember all those cutesy villains from Mega Man video games when we were kids which actually weren’t really all that scary? Here are some replacements:
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.