I’m starting out today’s Pajiba Love with a note from Seth: Long overdue, we’re finally announcing our winners of the Breaking Bad - What’s In Your Bunsen Burner? contest. Congrats to Lance and Jerce. A world with no more hangovers and chocolate-flavored semen really is a world for the better.
Um. So, holy crap: Sandra Bullock is breaking her months-long silence over the whole Jesse James-Bombshell McNaziWhore scandal, and she’s doing it with a People exclusive and a brand new baby. I’d like to be the first on record to coin the term for the hottest new Hollywood trend: the “Revenge Baby.” Madonna knows what I’m talking about.* (Celebitchy)
Goddamnit. Do we really need an Ozzy Osbourne biopic? Can’t we just like wait until he’s, you know, “dead?” (The Playlist)
The good news: Bret Michaels will live to play “Every Rose Has Its Thorns” again. Bad news: He might have seizures which he will inevitably whine incessantly about like his dia-beet-us and his ability to hump strippers may be affected. (Yeeeah!)
Ooooooooh! More “True Blood” teaser stuff! When is this coming back again? Oh right, not til June. *Facepalm* (Warming Glow)
Jessica Simpson admitted to Ellen that she only brushes her teeth roughly three times a week. And since she’s from one of those red states, that sounds about right. (Litelysalted)
This is the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever read. How can anyone hear something like this and still not support same sex rights? Appalling. (Zelda Lily)
Courtney Love is claiming that she was banging Gavin Rossdale when he was with Gwen Stefani. Even if this is true — which is probably is not, because Courtney Love is a lying meth whore — it takes one hell of a classy lady to bring it up now. (Agent Bedhead)
Disclaimer: It’s not nice to make fun of 16-year-old girls. Just so we’re all clear? Having said that, Ali Lohan has effectively turned herself into “Gargamel.” (IBBB)
Here’s a review of Jack in the Box french fries, and — ew, ew, ew. I can tell just by looking at them that they’re those battered kind. WHY WOULD YOU EVER BATTER A POTATO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD? (Impulsive Buy)
Olivia Munn, bless her heart, got naked to help the circus animals. Because you guys are definitely thinking about the plight of circus animals when you look at this ad, right? (Screen Junkies)
One of the dudes over at FrothyGirlz reviewed 20 whiskeys, scotches, and bourbons at a whiskey tasting — which I applaud since after 20 whiskeys I, on the other hand, would have lost the ability to form thoughts and words. (FrothyGirlz)
I don’t know what I find more amazing: That someone actually designed an anti-zombie nightstand; or that the design of said nightstand is apparently inherently flawed for fighting zombies. Thanks, Xtreme! (The Bloggess)
Here are 10 Jay Leno suck faces that prove that you just aren’t allowed to like him. Not that anyone around here needs proof or anything. (Unreality)
Holy crap! George Costanza ran over a kid on a bike with his car. OK, so I may be slightly exaggerating, it sounded more exciting that way. (Evil Beet)
I’ve still somehow managed to avoid not ever seeing a single episode of “The Hills,” but yeah — this seems about right:
* Note to the retarts who want to factually point out what the article says: I am aware that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James started the adoption process four years ago, but it’s a goddamn revenge baby and that’s what I’m calling it. Likewise, I’m also aware that Jason Statham’s character in “Crank” isn’t really named “Crank,” but apparently I have to occasionally point these things out.
Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who is feeling rather feisty today so don’t screw with her. However, she can be reached via email here.