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F*ck Me Gently With A ... Saber Saw?

By Stacey Nosek | Pajiba Love | March 12, 2009 |

By Stacey Nosek | Pajiba Love | March 12, 2009 |

Holy Mother of God. Kara (Boo) brought my attention to this story. A woman literally cut her vagina apart using a saber saw as a sex toy. My vagina is currently so distressed having read this story it simply cannot be consoled. (DListed)

So yeah, I think the point has been drilled into the ground sufficiently by now, but let me reiterate: Joaquin Phoenix is fucking insane. (Webster’s)

I mentioned this yesterday, but yesterday it was only a rumor perpetuated by Star magazine. At any rate, it’s confirmed. Not only are Bristol and Levi dunzo, but they’ve been dunzo for awhile now. And they said it wouldn’t last. Oh… Right. (Celebitchy)

NASA is taking votes to name its new space station, and “Serenity” is in the lead. Let’s help it win! Thanks, Lauren! (NASA)

Last night’s “South Park” did their take on The Jonas Brothers. About freaking time. Did anyone catch it? (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer might be over, for good this time. Or they might not be over at all. It’s anybody’s game at this point. (The Blemish)

Most of you guys are probably not gonna like this post about Paris Hilton, but it made me laugh so suck it, because I’m the Salty Linkmaster around these parts and I can link whatever I damn well please. Are we clear? Site NSFW! (DrunkenStepfather)

Huh. I never thought Pan’s Labyrinth would make me hungry for pancakes, but there ya go. (FilmExperience)

Since I got yelled at in the comments for making a snark about Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams being engaged, I’m not saying a damn thing about them being married. Hmph. (Celebslam)

Do you think Pringles “Restaurant Cravers Onion Blossom” chips will stop your heart the way a real onion blossom will? (TIB)

Here are the 12 Best 80’s Theme Songs to Live By. (ScreenJunkies)

True story. I haven’t watched “Mad Men.” This is because my former boss, a bible-beating, Bush-sticker-on-his-BMW-having doucheknuckle who used to make me do “pro bono” work for his church, was obsessed with it and likened himself to Don Draper; even going around our office barefoot because Don Draper’s character did. At any rate, the show was totally ruined for me before I could even get into it. So when people ask me why I haven’t watched it yet, that’s why. (SWPL)

You know those really effing annoying Direct TV commercials where they reenact popular movies and exploit them? Yeah, they suck. This, on the other hand, is awesome:

Watch Inappropriate DirectHD Commercials and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Pajiba Love brought to you by Stacey Nosek, who can be reached via email here.