Ding ding ding! In this corner, weighing in at 97 pounds, we have Jennifer Aniston! In the other corner, our heavyweight champion: Angelina “the Berserker” Jolie! (WIMB)
I’m starting production of “Free Bai Ling” T-Shirts as we speak. (Yeeeah!)
“30 Rock’s” Jack McBrayer gets bumped from the Michael Showalter Showalter. Aww, how totally cute is he when he’s mad? (CollegeHumor)
Lily Allen is wasted. But more importantly, why you should avoid drinking chocolate martinis. (DListed)
Slash from Guns N Roses is raising two absolutely charming little future date rapers. (Agent Bedhead)
Tyra Banks humiliated a cancer patient who went on her show, which is not actually that surprising since Tyra supposedly seems to humiliate everyone who goes on her show. (Celebitchy)
After the jump, a little known fact: President Lincoln is in fact alive today, and lives in the forest. True story.