Your Move, Sharks. Your Move.
Yeah, remember that footage from Piranha 3D that got cut from Comic-Con? Ummmm, yeah … After actually watching the footage, I have concluded that there is a very good reason for it. Piranhas are the new sharks. (Screen Junkies)
Haha, Heidi and Spencer got divorced! Maybe. Is it possible to get divorced if you were only ever fake married? Either way, I think we should all come together and try to marry off Spencer Pratt to a wood-chipper now. (popbytes)
Thanks to TK, here are 14 cases of notable actors being cut from movies. Although the definiton of “notable” is a tad loose here. Really? James Van Der Beek? Come on. (A.V. Club)
Someone decided to let the Shamwow guy direct his own movie, and the results are exactly what you would expect from a guy who had his tongue bitten off by a prostitute. (Evil Beet)
Hide your coke and break out the Cookiepuss cakes, ‘cause Lindsay Lohan is out of jail! Man, those 90 days just flew by, didn’t they? I guess serving full prison sentences is for poor, ugly people. (Celebitchy)
Dear Paris Hilton: I know you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re talented, but if you try to ruin Kylie Minogue for me I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU. (Celebslam)
Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa got married to that smarmy ass British guy? Well, judging by the date on the invite, Lisa would have gotten married yesterday, if she had actually aged in fifteen years. How you like them apples? (Warming Glow)
I have this thing for Urban Legends, in that I am completely obsessed with them to the point where I couldn’t stand in front of a mirror for 10 years because of Bloody Mary, so this legend of a cursed Pokemon hack is like my doomed bread and evil butter. (Unreality)
I’m not sure if these are available in Toronto yet, but God help anyone who gets in between me and these Reese’s Cup Chips Ahoy! cookies. (The Impulsive Buy)
And while we’re on the subject of food, pesto is God sauce, and anyone who doesn’t love Ranylt’s recipe is weird. (Godtopus Eats)
Here are the most devastating nut-punches in gaming history. Holy shit, that last one will make anyone with a scrotum wince in agony for about thirty straight minutes. (Gamesradar)
Goddammit science, NO. I didn’t say anything when you said that Pluto wasn’t a planet, but now you’re telling me the triceratops wasn’t real either? Why do you hate me science?! (Gizmodo)
Know what’s a great way to raise breast cancer awareness and advocate monthly breast examinations? Having Alyson Hannigan feel up Emily Deschanel’s boobs, then tear her shirt off. You’re welcome.
Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his BRAND NEW NSFW blog here, or email him here.