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Thanks A Lot Toad, Now I Don't Like Vaginas Anymore

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 3, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Pajiba Love | September 3, 2010 |

Here are the most depressing NES game endings ever. For the record: I still have nightmares about that fucking dog from Duck Hunt. And Toad telling me that the princess was in another castle. Looking back now, Toad probably turned me gay. (Topless Robot)

And speaking of sad endings, here are 7 deleted movie scenes whose removal from the movie tore a giant-ass hole in the plot. Is it weird that I actually loved the ending of Paranormal State? Sure, it didn’t really mesh with the rest of the movie, but it still scared me shitless. (Cracked)

A cancer patient in New Zealand wanted to tell his wife how much he loved her for his birthday, so he made a video featuring cue cards and romantic music and Hugh Jackman. A quick warning here, but DO NOT WATCH THIS IN PUBLIC, because it is in no way possible to make it through the video without crying. (Cinematical)

I love this: Second City, the people behind Sassy Gay Friend, are now doing Advice for Little Girls from Cartoon Princesses! Say what you will, but Disney has taught me a lot about bending over backwards for rich, personality-free men. (Zelda Lily)

Just when you managed to get Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You” out of your head, someone mashed it up with Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” and now you will never ever ever get it out of your head. Sorry. (popbytes)

A recent study says that Oscar winners live longer than people who haven’t won an Oscar. To put this in perspective: Meryl Streep will live forever, while Paris Hilton will probably get hit by a car and then struck by lightning sometime next week. (Film Drunk)

Here’s a look at the biggest gaps between an artist’s best work and their worst look. Oh come on, why everybody gotta be hatin’ on Liz Phair? (A.V. Club)

For those of you thinking Lindsay Lohan learned a lesson about responsibility during her time in rehab and jail: She clipped a baby in a stroller. WITH HER CAR. And then drove away. She got into a hit and run WITH A BABY. (The Superficial)

Holy shit you guys, did you ever wonder what would happen if Punky Brewster were possessed and murdering little bunny dolls with a crowbar? Now you know. (FourFour)

There’s a rumour going around saying that John Travolta might be (*GASP*) a homosexual! Hold on, would you guys excuse me for a second? I need to fish my monocle out of my champagne flute. (Yeeeah!)

Japan has finally gotten to the point where you can literally date virtual women. They should really consider changing their national motto to something like “Japan: If you can think it, you can fuck it.” (Gamma Squad)

Remember that crazy guy who took hostages in the Discovery Channel building? Well, as it turns out he tried to pitch a show to them and it, well, completely fucking sucked. Hey, I get pissy when Shark Week ends too; that doesn’t mean you can just go around taking hostages willy nilly. (Warming Glow)

WHOOOOOOA, Kelly Osbourne got herself all skinny and shit. To be honest I kinda like Kelly, if only because her dad is Ozzy Osbourne and thus far she’s still managed to stay out of trouble, so you know, good for her. (Evil Beet)

How’s this for a seriously “Fuck the what?!” story: 4Chan is getting together to send a WWII vet birthday cards and warm wishes for his 90th birthday. Why yes, I DO like Mudkipz, why do you ask? (Buzzfeed)

And now, because I fucking love you all: Tom Hardy working out. Bonus: It focuses pretty heavily on his ass.

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin’, and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his NSFW blog here, or email him here.

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