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Matt Damon Takes On The Powers That Be And Doesn't Even Bring His Magic Hat

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | March 9, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | March 9, 2011 |

Hello my little freeze-dried packets of ice cream and frosty glasses of Tang. Did you watch the Discovery shuttle land this morning? Was it boss? Would it have been more bosserer if you had watched it from this home theater designed to look like a flight deck? Most assuredly. Some people have waaaaay too much money, non? (Unreality)

If I had that much cashola lying around, I might bid on this “Community” Season Three (!!) set visit and walk-on role. The auction has been verified as legit by the show’s creator Dan Harmon and if “Community” is indeed cancelled, Harmon has offered to cover your bid. So get on that! Do it for the Brie. (ebay)

Actually, if I can nerd out for a second (I know, when am I not nerding out), if I had a pile of cash lying around, I would spend it fixing this NPR debacle. In response to the Republican threat of defunding public broadcasting, all hell has broken loose at NPR. I’m just envisioning Ira Glass and the Tappet Brothers getting drunk at lunch every day. Save a seat for Terry Gross, fellas, she takes her whiskey neat. (The Moderate Voice)

Monsieur Matt Damon is similarly disenchanted with the government and their funding priorities. He’s called Obama out twice now. I’ve seen that man kill 20 men with his bare hands, Obama. You do not want an enemy in Jason Bourne. (Independent)

You know what else has the capacity to stop 20 hearts with one go? These cake-stuffed cookies. That’s right. These cookies HAVE CAKE INSIDE THEM. We need a third layer and some sort of pithy turducken nickname. Don’t speak to me of the cherpumple. It is an abomination. (Sugar Derby)

Fresh off his Oscar win, Trent Reznor has announced that he will be scoring another instant-classic, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I feel torn on this news. On the one hand, this terribly awesome film just got terribly awesomer, but on the other hand I was really hoping Reznor would score the new Blade Runner flick. (Gamma Squad)

So, I’m thinking of giving up Charlie Sheen for Lent but not before this last outrage. Sheen (and Evil Beet for that matter) bag on Jon Cryer. YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE DUCK MAN. Come on guys, try a little tenderness. (Evil Beet)

In better Warlock news, I don’t know what witchery (yeah yeah, probably Google image search) is afoot on this site, but it was entertaining me all morning. Do not hesitate, click now. (Fuck Yeah Nouns)

In slightly more eloquent word news, here is a round up of some nice prints which incorporate recent film quotes. (The Film Experience)

And in the most eloquenter news yet, today is World Read Aloud Day and so I’ll leap at the opportunity to let you know that come September there will be a new Shel Silverstein collection to read aloud to your kids, or your pets, or your reflection in the mirror. Published posthumously, the book, “Every Thing On It” features previously unreleased poems and sketches. EXCITING! (Split Sider)

Alright, this fake trailer is kind of stupid (in a, frankly, amazing way), but it’s a concept based on a pun. A pun on the word “velociraptor.” I have no choice, really, but to present to you Velocipastor.

And, in conclusion, I present to you this rather dandy clip of Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House: Zombie Killer. Listen, I’ve been watching “House” for yeeeeeeears, and the episode I miss is, of course, the episode with zombies. Also, if Dr. House could kindly take his axe-cane to whomever has been doing the costumes for Amber Tamblyn this season, I would so appreciate it. She dresses like some over-stuffed child tart. It’s very strange.

Joanna Robinson will now read her favorite Shel Silverstein poem, “The Battle,” out loud: “Would you like to hear of the terrible night when I bravely fought the—No? All right.” Email Joanna your favorite Shel poem here: [email protected] or follow her @quityourJRob

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