The thing that makes me like Jennifer Aniston more than all the other things I’ve ever known about her: She loves Dolly (and apparently does an impression). (Lainey)

I keep trying to write “blonde white woman shunned from her fancy country club because she’s a Trump supporter” but all these goddamn tiny violins keep crashing into my laptop. (Celebitchy)

Speaking of white people: You’re kidding me, right? Really? (The Root)

Carys Zeta Douglas, daughter of Michael and Catherine Zeta, is now old enough to appear on the cover of magazines and sheltered enough for most of her life to believe that her father was a “pancake maker.” (Dlisted)

Damnit. I thought the Fug Girls were gonna go deep on the Kardashian/Chloe Moretz feud, but they just made fun of Moretz’s outfit. “Her torso could be an understudy in the Star Wars cantina band.” Ha! (GFY)

“Trump COMMITTED COUPLE FEW CRIMES A LI’L BIT!” (Wonkette)

hello we are robots beedoo boop smiling is opening your lips and exposing your teeth until you feel a light tension on the outer corners of your mouth beep blurp we are smiling boop beep pic.twitter.com/2EXyyHXyZk

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 1, 2018

So cute that Don Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle got embalmed together pic.twitter.com/5PG30RWbgN

— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) August 1, 2018

“Who Are The Most Important Swing Voters In This Year’s Midterms?” (If the answer is working-class white men in the South, I swear I will resort to murder). (538)

I got no problem with this movie; my problem is with casting someone way too good to play Megyn Kelly. Can’t we get, like, Danny DeVito to play Megyn Kelly (no offense, Danny DeVito). (/Film)

A prequel to The Sandlot is coming, whether you want it or not. (FSR)

I love the honesty in the Instagram post announcing the separation of Eli Roth and his wife Lorenza Izzo. “We wish to continue working together creatively and are ultimately separating so we don’t fucking kill each other.” (People)

Yeah, I don’t know what Tom Hardy is saying, either. (LG)

For every 10 terrible things that happen on Twitter, there’s one glorious thing.

He does https://t.co/eNguHNlBDF

— Jason Priestley (@Jason_Priestley) July 31, 2018

Cannonball Read is doing something new in its 10th year. The very first ever Cannonball Read Bingo Reading Challenge starts today and runs until November 30th. This bingo has prizes, bragging rights, and as always, cancer fighting. Head over to Cannonball Read to see the categories and rules. Can you read and review 5 books in 4 months? What about 25 books? (Cannonball Read 10)

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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