Are you all burned out on murder-mystery-serial-killer-buddy-cop-crime dramas? You want to know which one released this summer is the best so you can watch just one? Here’s a handy guide. (Uproxx)
Re: Johnny Depp: “I just want you to sometimes work with people who will let us see your pretty face without blacked out teeth/giant sunglasses/ awkward face paint.” This. All of this (except for Ruth Wilson’s outfit). (GFY)
Remember that time that the guy on national television made jokes about how he likes to watch child porn? Yeah, the police are going to go ahead and investigate him now. (Dlisted)
Oh God. He said this? What kind of JOKE is that?
“I like to beat off to child porn. Did I ever tell y’all about that? I love it. Beating off to child porn is my favorite thing there is. I love it when they’re around three or four years old. My favorite ones are when you can tell they’re in a basement in Minnesota.”
Kate Upton is NOT a toy, people. She is a human being. A flawless human being, who is not a fan of married men hitting on her. (Celebitchy)
Lyle Smith takes a look at 5 TV shows that have changed history recently. (Unreality)
I love you Kerry Washington, but you’re pitch to help Spike Lee’s Kickstarter isn’t really helping. Basically, her pitch is this: In the past, people like Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan financed Spike Lee’s films, and now we can be as cool as they are by contributing to his next film. I guess the difference between Oprah and Michael Jordan is that they are two of the richest people on the planet, and we are not. (YouTube)
I think we should all join Slate in refusing to refer to the Washington Redskins by that name anymore. (Slate)
Bret Easton Ellis continues to claim that his novel, American Pscyho, remains unadaptable, although the phenomenal Christian Bale movie begs to differ. (The Playlist)
The new teaser for American Horror Story: Coven is strangely, nonsensically and delightfully weird. (Slashfilm)
Speaking of weird, here’s Tilda Swinton on the cover of Korea’s W magazine.
Now, here’s a NSFW video (nudity, non-sexual) of Lady Gaga practicing “The Abramovic Method” to help Marina Abramovic raise $600,000. Abramovic, you may recall, was the woman who allowed people to come to MoMa and sit opposite her and stare at her for 736 hours while she sat immobile, which is apparently considered art. The “The Abramovic Method,” I guess, involves strange positions and moaning. I dunno. I’m too godddamned Arkansan to understand this sh*t. All I know is that, if we’re going to get weird, I’ll take Tilda Swinton EVERY time because Swinton reminds me of a gorgeous, striking praying mantis right before she EATS HER MATE.