In truly disturbing news, Nigella Lawson was choked by her husband, Charles Saatchi, at a London restaurant. This happened a week ago, nobody intervened or said shit, and we’re only hearing about it now in a gossip context. Let’s hear it for tabloid-based awareness of this awful incident. (Celebitchy)
Like many awesome girls, Maya Rudolph once dreamed of marrying Bill Murray. That particular wish didn’t come true, but she did get to drink scotch with the guy, which makes me so jealous I could scream. (Film School Rejects)
Here’s a list of evildoers who have blamed vampirism for their deeds, and the piece kicks off with the infamous Countess Elizabeth Bathory. (Mental Floss)
Last week, many wonderful celebrity photos surfaced, but here is the very worst one, of Mama June doing her best “Baywatch” impression. Click through for the awesome pics, which include Leslie Mann getting a piggyback ride from Kate Upton. (Buzzfeed)
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux supposedly cook naked together. This is obviously a fake story since the dude was photographed wearing jorts in Cabo last summer while Jennifer happily sunned herself in a string bikini. (Videogum)
Our own Joanna Robinson participates in her latest podcast endeavor to discuss Mud, The Last of Us, and (of course) Kal Penn in this past weekend’s Man of Steel. (Slashfilm)
Jackie Chan has a pretty awesome “Bruce Lee hit me in the head” story. Supposedly, it was an accident. Right. No really, Bruce felt very badly about what happened. (Warming Glow)
Are you Supermanned out just yet? If not, this piece is a rather comprehensive yet stunningly concise discussion of his career arc. (Grantland)
Sadly, Joss Whedon reveals that Loki will not appear in Avengers 2, which makes sense because otherwise it would probably be the same movie all over again. We don’t want the franchise to fall into the same trap as The Hangover’s sequels. Okay, that’s a weak conclusion on my part. Let’s face it — I’m only really discussing this story to make up for the Mama June photo. (The Mary Sue)
Kim Kardashian gave birth to Kanye West’s baby over the weekend. A lot of you were quite irritated the last time I featured her in the links, but this is truly cause for celebrating the end of the worst run of maternity fashion ever. (DListed)
Some Turkish protestors performed “Do You Hear the People?” from Les Miserables. (Unreality)
Not only is this an ugly dress, but Milla Jovovich … doesn’t look like Milla Jovovich anymore. Has she — gasp — had some work done? Please, no. (Go Fug Yourself)
Unsurprisingly, Kurt Cobain was arrested at the tender age of 18 years. Wanna know what he got nailed for? You’ll never guess, but it’s fittingly dorky. (Film Drunk)
Vincent Kartheiser always gives good interview. Dude is fascinating, witty, and truly grateful for every bit of his (underrated) success. (Vulture)
Finally, it’s time to erase the Kardashian influence and start this Monday off in the right manner. “Wind In My Ears” presents 2:22 of dogs riding in cars with their heads out the windows.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.