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Justin Bieber Gets the Sh*t Beaten Out of Him As His Gift to the Internet

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | March 19, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | March 19, 2012 |

Peyton Manning is going to Denver, y’all. Tim Tebow will be shipped out. Jump on your bandwagons accordingly (the Broncos have gained at least one fan here). (ESPN)

If you folks were excited about the eyeball defying Promotheus trailer that debuted over the weekend, but had no idea what to make of it, here are 9 clues in the trailer to help guide you. (Movieline)

There’s a movie poster out today for Baz Luhrman’s Great Gatsby. If you’re a fan of the back of DiCapro’s ear, it ought to be in your wheelhouse. (Adweek)

Complex Magazine has fulfilled the Internet’s wishes with their new photospread of Justin Bieber getting clocked. It’s for a good cause, y’all: Our edification. (Buzzfeed)

Charlize Theron, who looks stunning in the Show White and the Huntsman trailer has informed Michael Fassbender’s penis that she’s available to co-star with it. (Celebitchy)

I have absolutely no interest in raining on the “Community” parade. New episodes returned on Thursday with a bang — viewers were up 38% and it’s all but guaranteed a renewal (a 2.2 rating makes it a powerhouse on the NBC schedule). But, if you are a hater, maybe this piece will help you come to terms with your reasoning. (ThinkProgress)

Look, NYTimes: Just because Gwyneth Paltrow managed to string together three semi-coherent sentences in her new cookbook doesn’t mean she used a ghost writer. Or did she? The NYTimes vs. GOOP. (Videogum)

Finally, something that conservatives and liberals alike can agree upon: Rosie O’Donnell is awful. Turns out, her staffers agree, saying that working with O’Donnell on her now cancelled show was a “fucking hellhole.” (Big Hollywood)

The Sex Issue of Esquire is out. Here’s your Cover Girl.


Here are more images from that issue. She is a very striking woman, although kind of two dimensional, and I think you know what two dimensions I’m talking about. (WarmingGlow)

Speaking of sex, I had no idea that God had a position on oral sex, but according to the marijuana community’s new favorite son, Evangelist Pat Robertson, he does. (Nerve)

So, we here at Pajiba have established that Bradley Cooper looks like an emu, Taylor Lautner looks like an alpaca, and Adam Scott looks like a hedgehog. It looks like another Pajiba favorite, Benedict Cumberbatch, is getting his own animal doppelganger. (Guess which animal before you click) (Filmdrunk)

My Warming Glow colleague, Joshua Kurp, breaks down “The Office’s” Florida arc for Splitsider. The gist: A pointless reset. (Splitsider)

Michael Bay, who is producing a remake of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has revealed that his turtles will be aliens. Uh. Aliens? Vanilla Ice is gonna be pissed. Can someone remake a movie in which Michael Bay is filled full of explosives and detonated Michael Bay style? (Slashfilm)

Here’s a great piece on the evolution of Hunger Games from book to blockbuster (4 days, y’all. Four days) (Salon)

This art installation looks like a library vomiting books (via Neatorama)


These travel posters hit all the high points in your lazy geek existence. (Curious Brain)


Finally, porn-star Sasha Grey confesses in this PSA for Equal Pay for Women that, just about the only way a woman can make more than a man is to allow someone to gag them and put a 12-inch dildo in her anus. It’s certainly a provocative ad, though I’m not sure how well it gets its point across.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.