I really don’t know what happened this morning, my prurient prudes. I went about link hunting in my normal fashion (camo, elephant gun, duck call whistle thingie…you never know what species of link you might find) and I came back with, well, a whole lotta flesh. I don’t know what’s in the water today, but I think it might be roofies. I’m going to rush all the naughty bits out of the way and then we’ll have some clean links, you know, for the kids! Okay, let’s start with some superhero flesh. Here is a behind the scenes look at the doomed David. E. Kelly “Wonder Woman” pilot. Apparently one scene ends with Wonder Woman yelling “TITS.” Please let this be leaked online…please let this be leaked online. (Topless Robot)
Speaking of the, um, feminine pectoral region, what are the odds that the Halle Berry pilot being pitched to HBO and Showtime will involve some amount of Oscar-winning nudity? Apparently she will be playing a college professor, but, I mean, it’s cable, so if she’s not having graphic sex with one of her students, I will be greatly surprised. (Warming Glow)
And, it may not be Oscar-caliber nudity, but Miss Blake Lively (maybe DiCaprio makes her Oscar-caliber by proxy-does caliber rub off?) is embroiled in a nude photo scandal. Seriously, starlets, stop taking nudie photos of yourself on your phone. Just, stop. (Celebitchy)
Okay, that’s it for the ladies, but we’re not done because I’ve yet to talk about Weinergate. I’ve made no secret of my love for Anthony Weiner, one of my favorite congressmen, so I am super biased when it comes to this particular scandal (he purportedly sent a photo of his, um, weiner, to a young girl). I am super certain he wuz framed. So, you know, my blood done boileth over when I read this venomous piece by Ann Coulter. I know, I know, I had no business reading her in the first place and if you want to avoid the article, that’s fine. But you at least should peep her headline: “Weiner’s Penis Photo Dispute To Be Settled In Small Claims Court.” I hate her. Also, Weiner, if you DID do this, well, boo. Politicians, stop taking scandalous photos of yourself on your phone. Just, stop. (Human Events)
In honor of Congressman Weiner, here is The Eleven Occasions To Expose Male Genitalia In Public In Order Of Classiness. I was going to argue that # 7 should be higher but then I saw the bit about the tasing. Tasing is pretty declasse. (11 Points)
Erection transition! We now move to the cleaner portion of Pajiba Love. This story is about the world’s tallest Lego tower (100 ft). If you ask me, those guide wires are a cheat. (Laughing Squid)
Speaking of plastic protrusions, feast your eyes on this 3-D keyboard which shows what keys we use most. Visually pleasing but bloody impractical. (Twenty Two Words)
I feel like some people should have their keyboards revoked. By some people I mean ALL the people featured on this tumblr. (Not Racist But)
I’ve got a few poster links for you now, my indecorous decorators. The first is this sort of hippie-dippie yet visually arresting piece called Weapons of Mass Creation. Secondly, there’s this fantastic design called Fifty Baddies. The artist challenges you to guess all 50. I’m stuck at 45. Can you do better? And, finally, the Alamo Drafthouse has released some gorgeous posters for their Texas Monthly Rolling Roadshow. My favorite? It’s a tie between Blood Simple and the Bonnie and Clyde poster below. (First Showing)
Last link, my attractive avians. Did you know that birds could speak French? Me neither. But here he is, the ambassador for all things Emu, Mr. Bradley Cooper, speaking fluently. I didn’t catch the whole interview but I do know that he called George Clooney “the best” and “the king.” Bien dit, Monseiur Émeu. (Evil Beet)
Ah, but the Emu can say all the perfect things in perfectly accented français and he’ll never be as impressive as this kid. High out of his mind on victory and endorphins, this young man endeavors to instill hope in a nation of non-cycling children. Phenomenal.
Speaking of hope, here are my San Francisco Giants with their “It Gets Better” video. This is the first “It Gets Better” video released by a MLB team so it’s sort of a big deal. That’s right, my team not only bested all of your teams (ahem, last year, not so much this year), but they are way more socially progressive. This video is sweet and all, but I’m a little curious where Timmy and El Beard-o are. Cannabis and strip club respectively? Makes sense.
Joanna Robinson is not racist but she honestly didn’t think Emus were that intelligent.