Greetings my little decaf, nonfat Americanos! Wait. Whazzat? It’s Mardi Gras? Obese Tuesday? Fine then, bonjour my trenta mocha chip frappuccino with extra whipped cream!! Happy Mardi Gras, International Women’s Day AND feliz cumpleaños to Starbucks Coffee which turns 40 today. However you feel about the Bucks (I personally kinda hate them but have been known to use them for their free internet), you can’t deny their (probably terrible) impact on our culture. Did you know, by the by, that they allegedly offer 87,000 possible drink combinations? That factoid makes me think of this scene from You’ve Got Mail (shut up, it is a good movie) where Tom Hanks mocks how people define themselves by their drink orders. If the plunkity Randy Newman score annoys you, just focus on Meg Ryan’s old cute face. (Youtube)
Thanks to anikitty for this great slideshow comparing “Arrested Development“‘s Bluth family to Libya’s Qaddafi family. It’s sort of eerie. (The New Republic)
Also eerie? How much a bad hairstyle can alter someone’s appearance. Kate Winslet, the number one chick I would turn gay for, has possibly (I’m still praying for a wig or deceptive camera trickery) chopped off and bleached her hair. I looked at her IMDB page and she is not, in fact, filming an Annie Lennox biopic. She is, however, shooting a film with Roman Polanski. Polanski, is there no END to your destructive ways? Oh, Kate also talks about how it’s empowering to be a single female. I spose that would be the more sensible angle to address on International Women’s Day. (Celebitchy)
In other terribad news, “Vanity Fair” decided to honor Mardi Gras and the 50th Anniversary of New Orleans’s Preservation Hall with that tofucake Robert Pattinson. Yes, because when I think of New Orleans jazz, I definitely think of a pasty British darsh. (Vanity Fair)
Also horribly miscast is the actor chosen to play a crime-fighting Edgar Allen Poe in the baffling new ABC series “Poe.” This show looks like it’s going to be a nightmare, otherwise I would urge them to reconsider and cast my boy John Hawkes. But I wouldn’t do that to you, John. (Warming Glow)
But (tangentially) speaking of literature, the lovely ladies over at Persephone Magazine are running a kick*ss feature called Middlemarch Madness. The series allows readers to vote on a bracket of female literary characters from different genres. I urge you to participate because some injustices have already been perpetrated. Coraline beat Alice? B*TCH, PLEASE. (Persephone Magazine)
Another kickass lady (Are you sensing a theme? Oh good, you’re so clever my little fembots) Ms. Bonnie Burton has written a great Star Wars craft book that is available for pre-order right meow. Someone wanna make me an R2-D2 beanie? I know you do!! (Laughing Squid)
This is a fantastic ESPN story about the first high school baseball game with two starting female pitchers. You wanna tell these chicks they throw like a girl? Go ahead, try it, I dare you. (ESPN)
I also really dig this story of a young girl who watched the Banksy documentary Exit Through The Gift Shop and decided she wanted to be street artist too, only without vandalism. The results are, predictably, adorable. (The Mary Sue)
Will I out myself as the most luddite Link Wench in history if I tell you that I think this Letter Press app is the raddest app in the history of appkind? Yup, this one is for the typophiles, pseudo-hipsters, and Wanted poster makers. (Tech Crunch)
The great Jeff Leins has a scathing look at the script for Jonah Hill’s directorial debut, The Kitchen Sink. Yeah, it looks extraordinarily dreadful. Jeepers, Hill, don’t blow all your Cyrus cred in one place. (News In Film)
I don’t know what inspired the name for this website, but let me assure you that the content is entirely safe for work candids of famous folk. They’re super charming and include Audrey Hepburn feeding her pet fawn (SHE HAD A PET FAWN?!!?), Kate Hepburn skateboarding at the age of 60 and Clint Eastwood wearing the highest-waisted pants I’ve seen. I thought it was a baffling jumpsuit. (This Is Not Porn)
So Dustin told me that chicks dig beards. Here’s my favorite Ginger Beard playing a life-sized version of Angry Birds. With IKEA furniture.
Chicks dig kissing too, right? What’s that? Everyone digs kissing? Cool. Everyone should be pleased, then, by this video featuring not only great film kisses but also interesting kissing factoids. Unlike that apparently false booze trivia I gave you yesterday, this stuff is bonafide! Smooches to you all!!!
Joanna Robinson wasted half the morning trying to come up with offensively bad International Women’s Day/Mardi Gras jokes. The best she could come up with was: “Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat Tuesday?” Send your cleverer quips to [email protected] or follow her @quityourJRob)