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Gwyneth Paltrow Named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, But Tilda Swinton is the Most Flawless

By Courtney Enlow | Pajiba Love | April 24, 2013 |

By Courtney Enlow | Pajiba Love | April 24, 2013 |

Clearly selected because she appeals to all of humanity, regardless of age or income level (oooh! Cleaning tips from a butler! How charitable of her to interview the help like that!), People Magazine, a publication located firmly inside the anal sphincter of Hollywood, chose Gwyneth Paltrow as their World’s Most Beautiful Woman! (exclamation point theirs). Her appeal is so universal. (People)

In a related story, Time named Christina Aguilera one of their 100 most influential people in the world, despite the fact that she wasn’t that influential when she was actually relevant. Celine Dion wrote her write-up and it is the Celineist. *chest pound* (Time)

As I’ve harped on many a time, the industry of celebrity public relations is so insane, it actually rivals the industry of being an actual celebrity. For instance, that incident with Reese Witherspoon (aka, Laura Jeanne Poon) yelling at a cop and getting a DUI this weekend? Her husband might, for the sole purpose of scrubbing her previously flawless image, go to rehab for a drinking problem fabricated for the aforementioned sole purpose of scrubbing her previously flawless image. What in the wild world of fuck, people? (Lainey Gossip)

Speaking of Reese’s pieces, that “one drink too many” rendered her unable to even lift her head up in her mug shot. Like, I’m not crazy, right? Other people think drunk driving is a bad thing, right? (Celebitchy)

Budweiser is going to be sold in bow tie-shaped cans. Yes, bow ties are cool, but I’ve heard little on how shape will prevent the product from tasting like piss water. (Co.Design)

Is there anywhere you shouldn’t twerk? Not in my estimation, but this list makes a fairly compelling argument against certain places. (Stereotude)

This GIFset of clips from TLC’s “Waterfalls” video is literally the most necessary thing to ever grace the internet. (Uproxx)

Salon asks, “is it ethical” for media outlets to interview Amanda Bynes? You know how I feel about that one. (Salon)

Here’s a dog dressed as a shark. On a Roomba. Chasing a cat. Dressed as a duck. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE INTERNET. (Neatorama)

Album cover cake pops? They’re so pretty, but I have a hard time eating things that well crafted. GOOD JOKE, ME. I don’t have trouble eating anything. (Boing Boing)

Finally, because she is a superior alien being without human flaw, SWINTON lead a conga line at Ebertfest, and Chaz Ebert danced along and made me heart-happy. Central Illinois pride, people. (Chicagoist)

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