Ginnifer Goodwin, You're Cute, Now Stop Making Movies That Inspire Me To Claw My Soul Out Of My Body
Happy Thursday, my notorious nitpickers. If I had to guess the number one pet peeve of any given Pajiban, I would say tpyos, ungood grammer and spelling airrors. (Still don’t give a d*mn about an Oxford comma.) Amirite? For me it’s loud cell phone conversations on the subway. I can’t NOT listen to the trails and tribulations of Muffin and Brad. And, trust me Muffin, I really don’t want to know. NPR attempts to explain why we hate the things we hate. (NPR)
Speaking of the Ongoing Saga of Muffin and Brad, here’s a Mad-Libs-esque Guide to writing your very own Kate Hudson romcom. I dunno, I’d see a movie where someone makes a dress out of slain Muppets. Wacky slaying/sewing montage! (Comedy)
We all understand that Kate Hudson (who famously almost won an Academy Award, y’all) has just given up. Penny Lane is dead. But it’s not too late for Ginnifer Goodwin. I think she’s a total cutie and effortlessly exudes that Girl Next Door vibe that Katie Holmes has been struggling to sell me for years. I think she’s an earthier, less batshit Zooey Deschanel and I want nothing but the best for her. But she’s needs to quit it with the sh*tty romcoms. Here she is being sort of adorable talking about her “Southern woman’s ass” in Marie Claire. (Celebitchy)
We all agree, right, that those Hudson/Goodwin homances are setting the Women’s Movement back? Well, fear not, here to right those gendered wrongs are the makers of the Vajazzle (gross) who have introduced the Pejazzle (grosser). Yup, gross but equal.(Gawker)
Katie Holmes, by the by, isn’t really a Thing anymore, right? Like, I can stop being annoyed by her? You know who IS hot right now? Sherlock Holmes. In addition to the film franchise and the excellent TV series, he’s being featured in a series of graphic novels. Who wants to ride the capecoattails of this craze with me? Help me develop something for Milton Bradley called “The Game’s Afoot!” How could it fail? (Boing Boing)
Speaking of too hot to fail, are people saying nice things about this new Beyonce video because of an Emperor’s New Clothes type of situation? Because, I dig the message and all, but the song itself is sh*t and the Mad Max meets Lady Gaga Look fails to ring my bell. (Evil Beet)
You know what does ring my bell, my little cups of sumatra? Scientific studies that tell me to just keep on doing what I want to do. In this case, all those vats of hot coffee I drink? Apparently they might maybe prevent some types of cancer. (Life Hacker)
If you do get cancer, and I really hope you don’t, make sure you’re not a gay person living in Wisconsin because their asshat governor (you know the one who is all about a “smaller goverment?”) is trying to curtail the rights of gay couples and put an end to hospital visitation. Cool, way to keep it small, Governor Walker. (Jezebel)
In other (some but not all) Republicans Are Asshats News, you’ve no doubt heard that Rick Santorum questioned John McCain’s knowledge on torture. Um, lovely. And, for the second week in a row, John’s daughter, Miss Meghan McCain, hands out a verbal ass-whooping. I know I’m not supposed to like her, but I kind of do. (ABC)
Because when Southern ladies get all feisty, they remind my of my favorite female mutant, Rogue. (NOT the Anna Paquin version). Here’s a gallery of the best of Rogue cosplay. They’re not as good as those Power Girl babes, but numbers 6 & 7 can call me anytime. (Gamma Squad)
I hope next time the McCain family is attacked, Meghan goes full-on American Ninja with these Budweiser Nunchucks. (Laughing Squid)
Speaking of death by beverage, my rogue bottles of pop, take a gander at this video of the classic “Mentos in the Diet Coke” experiment gone awry.
Oh, my dear ones, are you wondering how I will ever manage to top that? Fear not, here is a clip from that 80’s cheese-fest Teen Witch. SO FUNKY.