Gentlemen May Prefer Blondes, But I Always Preferred You, Jane Russell
Alright my little right clickers and ctrl-T partiers, by now you’ve noticed that the links no longer open in a new tab. This is a regrettable and irrevocable internal workings decision. But think of it this way, you’re not losing new tabs, you’re gaining pagination! The overlords giveth, and they taketh away, my dears. In order to atone, I’ve not only handcrafted a supersized P. Love for you today, but also made you a bonus present. Because I love you so much, I dusted off my hazmat suit and hip waders and slogged through the muck and mire of crazy that is Charlie Sheen’s thoughts. Here’s a word cloud, my prurient pretties, of his most recent brain spew which will, if you click on it, open full-size in another window. Lest you miss the beauty of the fine print. “Radical Magic Turd” indeed.
Speaking of fine print, did you know that there’s a law in Canada preventing news outfits from broadcasting lies. More startling, did you know that this law does not exist in the U.S.? Well some scumbag in Canada tried to repeal that law in order to allow a Fox News-style network to move up North. And he failed. Score one for non-fake news! (Huffington Post)
Ah, but you know, it’s not as if the non-Fox news stations are doing that much better. (The Daily Show)
But while cable news may be failing us, network comedies are doing their level best to make it up to us. “Community,” for example, has cast Sawyer from “Lost” in their season finale. Okay, have you composed yourself ladies, gay dudes and washboard enthusiasts? Now ponder this, what if they contrive to have Josh Holloway shirtless the whole episode? What if he and McHale have a sexy ab-off? I’M SO EXCITED! (EW)
While we’re speaking of sexy abs, where do you think Caprica Six from “Battlestar Galactica” shops? Frederick’s of Cylonwood? Seriously, that lady is forever showing abs. I am appreciative, however, of her placement on this sexy aliens list because the woman speaks in orgasmic tones…all the time…even when knocking Baltar’s head against the wall. (Unreality)
This one is expressly for figgy, though I’m certain there are plenty of you who will appreciate it. Truth, Justice and the HAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMerican Way. (Phil Noto)
Oh dear, was that three lust-filled link in a row? Apologies to my more shy and retiring readers. Here, let me take a dainty sip of coffee, a nibble of a Thin Mint cookie and present you with this completely unsexual link. It’s actually a really absorbing article on codes. You can make a code out of anything. Maybe Sheen is speaking to the Vatican overlords in code! Maybe there is code in this article. Dunh, dunh. DAAAAH. (Cabinet Magazine)
Can I tell you something else entirely unsexy? I THINK SHYAMALAN WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE TREES. (io9)
So next time I go to Hawaii, I’m going to bring this cube to defend myself against those murderous trees. Do you think I can sneak it past security? (Gadget Review)
That puzzle gun made me think (obviously) of Malkovich’s plastic gun from In The Line of Fire. A somewhat iconic fim object, non? Pajiban Brite sent me this nifty little game that has you playing hangman with famous film objects as clues. It shouldn’t be too hard for you film nerds, but it’s neat to see which objects they come up. (Famous Objects From Classic Movies)
But you know by now that this Link Wench is a sucker for strong iconography. I’m really feeling these Best Picture posters. My favorite (for The Kids Are Alright) is below, but they’re all worth a look. (Square Space)
Also, when I brought you that Jimmy Kimmel sketch yesterday, I, like many Nazis before me, chose poorly. In case you missed beckster’s link yesterday in the comments or don’t have anyone in your life who loves you enough to send this to you, here is Tom Hanks in a “Toddlers and Tiaras” spoof. Sometimes I forget that Hanks is a comedian, then he sticks his hand in a pickle jar and I remember. (Youtube)
If you are, as I am, a fan of classic cinema, you’ll be saddened to hear of the passing of screen legend Jane Russell. Russell was one of the first true sex goddesses of the silver screen. Russell wasn’t, however, just a pretty face and a ridiculous body. She was strong and confident and powerful, both onscreen and off. Her first role in 1943’s The Outlaw garnered both acclaim and controversy as her director (and frequent collaborator) Howard Hughes defied the censors to include the first shot of cleavage captured on celluloid. They were real and they were magnificent. During her career Russell was (and, in my opinion, mis) cast in a string of technicolor musicals. While her voice was not lacking, her statuesque frame and sassy persona didn’t lend itself to the kittenish shimmying she was sometimes called upon to perform. This is evident in one of her most iconic films, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Russell has since described her character in that film as the cinematic version of a punch (in contrast to the highly successful “sexy baby” act put on by the beautiful Marilyn Monroe). Russell was the most stunning and mesmerizing, in fact, when she was allowed to leave her clothes on. Here she is, clothed head to toe and exuding sex opposite Bob Hope in The Son of Paleface.
If you’re so inclined, there is also a great interview with Russell about Hollywood and censorship to be found here. Russell passed away yesterday in her home at the age of 89. She will be missed.
Joanna Robinson was stunned to find out Jane Russell was only 5’7”. Russell looms much taller in the Link Wench’s mind. That’s screen presence.