Even When Matt Damon Angrily Swears I Just Want To Hug Him
Have you heard of The Vidocq Society? It’s “an elite crime-solving club made up of current and former FBI profilers, homicide investigators, scientists, psychologists, prosecutors and coroners that meets each month in Philadelphia to solve cold cases.” Why has this not already been turned into a series of crime novels? Some of them are too old for this sh*t! Charming! (The High Definite)
If those books DID exist, I would NOT be reading them on a kindle. BOOKS 4 LYFE.
And we know that those books would eventually be turned into a phenomenal cable series starring, like, Richard Jenkins, Željko Ivanek and Morgan F*cking Freeman, and I’d watch it every week. Just don’t let AMC have it. They’ll f*ck it up. Seriously, first they messed with “Mad Men” and now “Breaking Bad”? Get it together, AMC. (THR)
Did you know that last week some commenters suggested I should probably just kill myself because I haven’t watched “Breaking Bad” yet? So charming. You’ll be the death of me yet, internet. (Juxtapoz)
No, don’t worry guys, I’ll probably just drink myself to death. What’s that, Science? Wine is kind of good for me? It might maybe prevent skin cancer? Thanks, Science! You’re my favorite enabler. (Telegraph)
Allegedly (allegedly) this is a list of films Steven Spielberg requires any and all of his collaborators to watch before working with him. I’ve only seen 106 out of 206. I know, I know, I should probably just kill myself. How many have you seen? (Spielberg’s Curriculum)
YOU GUYS, MARVEL MADE DONALD GLOVER SPIDER-MAN. Well, technically, they just made a black Spider-Man. Well, technically, they just made a half-black, half-Hispanic American Spider-Man. BUT STILL. (Yahoo)
Ah, a minority teen fighting crime and trying to clean up his neighborhood. Just like this little kid who says he wants to be carry a gun and be “the police” when he grows up. Except, um, well, some racist (or, at the very least, sensationalist) reporter edited out the police part which, um, we all agree is A VERY IMPORTANT F*CKING PART, YOU D*CK. (Warming Glow)
Speaking of racism, read this great article about a young black woman who’s afraid to eat fried chicken and watermelon. Also, apparently, Pinkberry is either full of racists or dimwits or racist dimwits. (GOOD)
My favorite dimwit (head’s too full of stuff!) will be returning so so so soon. Here’s the first promo photo for the next half-season of “Doctor Who.” I think the coat is a little Sherlockish. A little Benedict Cumberbatchy. No need to be anyone other than yourself, Doctor. I love you, (total lack of) eyebrows and all. (Bleeding Cool)
Think back to college. Which poster did EVERY college freshman have on their wall? No, not Scarface the other one. The “classy” one. Okay, got it in your mind? SOMEONE MADE A CAKE OF IT. (Buzzfeed)
Okay, I don’t LOVE love RiffTrax, sometimes they’re, well, no, not funny to me. But, the Twilight stuff in this 5 Year Anniversary Compilation cracked me up. Mostly because at first instead of “line? line?” I thought they were saying “mine? mine?” you know, like the Finding Nemo seagulls? Bella and Edward will forever be seagulls to me now.
Finally, here’s Matt Damon defending the teaching profession. I know some of you don’t really fancy it when actors talk politics or policy, but everyone’s entitled to their opinion and I will never not applaud someone for speaking on behalf of teachers. Then Damon swears at the cameraman and it’s adorable.
Joanna Robinson doesn’t like RiffTrax? Ugh, she should just kill herself. Let her eat (Vincent Van Gateau) cake until she gets the diabeeetus. That’ll show her.