Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi Just Bailed on America

While all of us have been mentally preparing for the next four years, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi saw what happened on election night and went, “Yeah, f*ck this. We’re out.” The two reportedly bolted for London, and have no plans to return. I’m no fan of Ellen, but honestly, can you blame them? I know there’s been a lot of understandable outrage about this news today, but c’mon, who among us doesn’t wish we could easily ditch this hellhole? Whoever can get out, get out. Save yourselves! (TMZ)

Why Sarah won’t be watching Charlie Hunnam as Ed Gein in Ryan Murphy’s Monster no matter how convincing he looks. (Lainey Gossip)

Is Jelly Roll a secret Trump voter? (Celebitchy)

The Pete Hegseth police report has been released. It’s bad. (Wonkette)

From Dustin: If these were actually any good, I’d buy them just because I love Walton Goggins. But I ain’t wearing these! (PEOPLE)

From Roxana: Someone must Ctrl+F “Arrested Development.” (NYT)

From Nate: Have you ever wanted to douse yourself in McRib sauce and run through the hyena enclosure at the zoo just to feel alive? Now you can! (Bluesky)

From Petr: Damn, we’ve been rumbled! London Reddit users have been posting great reviews for shitty chain restaurants and other places to swamp those places with tourists and influencers instead. (Instagram)

From Tori: Look I’m not saying Musk pays gamers to play for him so he can rank high, I’m just saying… no, you know what? I am saying that. It’s literally his M.O. (Dexerto)

From Jen: I know it’s an ad for Amazon but it’s still funny! In no way do I endorse buying anything on Amazon. Shop local, folks. (Threads)

From Dustin: Taylor Lorenz is very good at explaining things that are very popular that none of us have heard of. (UserMag)

November is a time for harvest, gratitude, and let’s be honest, eating. What happens when jomidi combines two of her favorite hobbies: eating and reading? She changes book titles into edible book titles, so A Separate Peace becomes A Separate Peach. Can you turn a book delicious by changing one word in the title? (Cannonball Read 16)