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Don't You Dare Call Gwyneth Untalented. It Takes Loads Of Talent To Look That Unsexy.

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | July 1, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | July 1, 2011 |

Holy h*ll and happy holiday weekend! How are you spending yours, my (mostly) ‘muricans? BBQs? Pie? Fireworks? Iffin’ you should fancy feting freedom with fire, keep this “How To Survive An Injury” manual handy. I want you to keep all those typing fingers intact my clever commenters. (Maxim)

Me? I’m headed to a Harry Potter-themed Potluck. Dorky you say? Maybe, but you’ll be jealous when I’m sipping on Voldemorjitos, Margarita Skeeters, Sirius Daquiris and Ginny Weasleys. Or when I’m noshing on Buffalo Wingardium Leviosas, Fleur Delacornish Game Hens, Viktor Krumcakes, Gryffindoritos, Hufflecreampuffs and Citrus Diggory’s Triwizard Cupcakes. Hmm, I may need to bring these bear claw forks mrcreosote sent me. (Food Beast)

Or, if you want to be a shut-in this weekend, Pinky McLadybits wants you to know about all the television marathons going on this weekend. Pshhh, as if I’m going to watch te-HOLY CATALANO A “MY-SO-CALLED LIFE” MARATHON. (TV Tango)

Alas, no “Doctor Who” marathon, but you can pass some time checking out this awesome Companion infographic sent in by Optimus Rhyme. Ha! I knew River Song counted. If you’re not all the way caught up then it behooves me to say, “Spoilers, sweetie.” (Consumer Media)

Maybe you’re in more of a musical mood this weekend. I’m hoping to catch the lovely Neko Case in concert. Any good concerts in your neck of these American (or furrin’) woods? I wish I could hear this amazing Wu-Tang Clan and Fugazi mash-up live. (Thanks jM). I also just spent a good chunk of time drooling over these musical typographies. In the meantime, however, I will content myself with these dazzling and dirty (as in actual mud…okay and a little SFW sexy stuffs) photos of the Glastonbury Festival. I have always wanted to go and this year they got Pulp! (The Big Picture)

Oh, my cocksure apertures and lissome lenses, I do love me some good photography. Pinky sent me this gorgeous series of an abandoned Six Flags in New Orleans. (Love These Pics)

But, my little colorful commentators, maybe you’ll be taking in some films this weekend. Are some of you talkers? I bet you are. Here, Patty O’Green and I think this MSTK headboard was made for you. If you’re more the strong, silent type, then this seriously challenging film quiz might be right up your alley. Here’s a series of notes from movies that The Film Experience asks you to identify. I consider myself pretty saavy and I’m 0/4. I bet you can do better. (The Film Experience)

Ah, but I bet Gwyneth doesn’t think she can do better. She’s so appallingly smug and prissy in this nearly nude photo for Vanity Fair. She may be vain, but milady is quite fair of body…if only her uptight face wouldn’t ruin the sexy. (Celebitchy)

Perhaps, my bodacious bookworms, you’re going to do some reading this weekend. First, mswas and I suggest you “Game of Thrones” fans submit some questions for author George RR Martin. (Indigo) Then Katers and I suggest you head to the local library to check out some of their finer titles. May I advise starting with the classic “If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs”? (Awful Library Books)

Possibly, my adorable ADD-afflicted ones, you don’t have the attention span for a whole book. Well you’re in luck because Yossarian sent me this treasure trove of The Best Magazine Articles of All Time. There are some fantastic authors in here and they include my all-time David Foster Wallace piece: “Consider The Lobster.” (KK)

While we’re in the reading mood, my partial partisans, let me clear something up from yesterday. I am not here to bash Republicans. Some of my best friends are Some of my favorite commenters are My dad is a Republican, okay? And he and I get along fine. I am, however, here to bash Michelle Bachmann. She is unrelentingly horrid. (City Pages)

And, submitted without comment, some Birthers are suing Esquire. I SAID NO COMMENT YOU CAN’T MAKE ME. (Forbes)

Finally, my forlorn desk jockeys. If you’re stuck at your desk this weekend, working for the man, here is my gift to you. It will turn your facebook into a spreadsheet and your employer will never know the difference. Try it, it’s RIDICULOUSLY neat. (Hardly Workin’)

Speaking of facebook, the lovely and vivacious Vee sent me this rather startling video all about social networking and how much it impacts our lives. Some of these statistics (which, no, I have no researched myself to determine their validity) are appalling. You can read the accompanying article here.

And last, but not least, on this Fourth of July weekend, I present to you the history of the language of our oppressors. The whole series can be found here and Part I is below.

Joanna Robinson wants to wish America’s Hat a happy Canada Day. She has a special treat in-store for you, eh?

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