Hi! Hi, happy 2018! HIIIIII! So, I think I was supposed to do a Pajiba Love last night, but, you guys? I totally forgot that Pajiba even existed! My husband and I were bundled up on the couch watching The Hitman’s Bodyguard (motherf—kerly) and eating pizza, and I don’t know, the thought that it was A MONDAY and not a weekend never even popped into my frozen brain. Thank you, Dustin, for doing my job for me and for bringing in the PL New Year!

Here’s our President, who has confused dick measuring for foreign diplomacy. We’re in such great hands, y’all!

North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018

It’s a good thing that none of this matters and it’s all just a bad game show invented by Jack Donaghy!

I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018

It is damn cold currently, so here are some good tips for maximizing your blankets and making your bed as warm and cozy as possible. - (Lifehacker)

Oh, Godtopus wept, MiMi and her fucking hot tea! She really can’t be inconvenienced for even a moment, can she? - (LG)

YIKES! Carrie Underwood fell outside her home back in November and broke her wrist, but also apparently did some damage to her face that required 40-50 stitches. That sounds painful as hell. - (Celebitchy)

Paris Hilton (who is somehow STILL in the public eye) got engaged over the New Year’s weekend. Her gifuckingnormously oversized $2M ring is absurd. But, I mean, YAY for her? - (Jezebel)

Maria Menounos married her boyfriend of 20 years on New Year’s Eve. Who cares, right? She did it on the air. In Times Square. With Steve Harvey officiating. NOW do you care? Still no, huh. Cool, cool, cool. - (Dlisted)

I didn’t see Andra Day’s performance on New Year’s Eve (and it would have been the only one I would have wanted to see, truth be told), but I am extremely covetous of her muppet coat and now must find a) a recording of that performance and b) where to buy that fantastic fuzzy fur! - (GFY)

The X-Files returns tomorrow night. The last incarnation had some issues. This time around, here are a few wishes for what we might see. - (VF)

Cannonball Read Ten began yesterday with Mrs. Smith’s review of A Wrinkle in Time. The Madeleine L’Engle classic will be their first book club of the year in February. You don’t have to be registered to participate in #CannonBookClub, but registration for CBR10 is open now, so why not sign up and get started on doing good in 2018? (Cannonball Read 10)

Previous Article

These 'Stranger Things' Stars Are Moonlighting As Rock Stars

Next Article

               

Steve Bannon Says Don Jr. Trump Tower Meeting with Russians Was 'Treasonous,' Suggests Kushner is F#@ked

Lainey is the copy editor & linkmaster. You can Tweet at her on Twitter.

We Keep Saying It And It's Always True: Why Pratt Continues To Be The Worst Chris

'Borat Subsequent Moviefilm' Review: Wowee Wow Wow Wow (Plus Two More Wows for Rudy Giuliani)