Quick! Who looks more uncomfortable: Emma Stone and Parker Posey being enfolded into the arms of Joaquin Phoenix, or Joaquin Phoenix, who looks like he feels uncomfortable for making Emma Stone and Parker Posey feel uncomfortable? (GFY)
Ariana Grande has now filed a video apology for maliciously licking donuts and OH MY GOD, do they not make teen celebrities attend home school anymore? The awkward apology is not nearly as uncomfortable as her lack of command of the English language, for which she is a native speaker. DID SHE LEARN TO READ FROM A TWITTER FEED? (Lainey)
Jennifer Lawrence is apparently trying “to develop a filter.” She also seems to be real fed up with people asking about her weight. Comic-Con is a weird time, you guys. (Vulture)
Conversely, Natalie Portman would like it if red carpet reporters would lighten up and stop asking about the Middle East because she has more important things to talk about, like who she is wearing. (Dlisted)
David Fincher isn’t saying his Gone Girl actor Ben Affleck cheated on Jennifer Garner, but he may be saying that, if he did cheat, he’d be really good at it. (Jezebel)
Speaking of Affleck, the celebrity rag narrative on their divorce has taken a nasty turn into band-aid baby territory. Buckle in, folks. If Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have taught us anything, the Gaffleck split will continue to be front-page news A DECADE FROM NOW. (Celebitchy)
I’m just seeing this and it’s too good to resist: Rebecca rounds up some of the ugliest swimsuits you can buy online, and it’s a goddamn horror show. (Cinefeels)
Hannibal Buress’ new show, Why, premiered this week, complete with a segment of him confronting his biggest Twitter troll. I’m a huge Hannibal fan, but as someone who has also found myself on the receiving end of one of his random Twitter rampages … I kinda get it. I get you, Schumer.
Game of Thrones Risk is perfect and wonderful and I want it NOW. Not August, NOW. (WSJ)
Here’s a brief tribute to the ballsiest plot device in all of television. (Uproxx)
I swear this bird walking in sync to Beyoncé is the stupidest thing you’ll watch today and you’ll love it. (Daily Dot)
Even teenage boys — whose hormones are literally SEEPING from their pores — think that women in video games are overly sexualized. In legal speak, that’s called a Declaration against interest, and it’s so powerful they’ve carved out an exception to the hearsay rule for it. (The Mary Sue)
If Grace Helbig is the Internet’s Awkward Older Sister, then Mamrie Hart is the badass aunt who has the best stories and is always sneaking us sips of booze. The woman built her career out of making (and consuming) cocktails. That alone made ModernLove think this book was going to be good. Then when she found out each chapter started off with it’s own drink recipe? Well, pour the shots and let’s get to reading. (Cannonball Read 7)
Happy Friday! Here’s a reminder that in the game of Three Cat Monty, you win or… never mind, you don’t win. You just get silently judged and always lose.
Publisher’s note: Portions of today’s PL were composed by myself, so if there’s anything you didn’t like, it was my fault. — DR