Dane Cook's Conquest Tally Will Disgust You & Jude Law's Super Sperm Should Frighten You
Toys ‘R’ Us sells some charming, meth-themed Breaking Bad action figures. Dustin says everything will be fine because not every kid is screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Will you buy me the Jesse Pinkman action figure, bitch!?” (WG)
Jude Law’s sperm cannot be bargained with. It cannot be reasoned with. And he absolutely will not stop until you are impregnated. Dude. Wrap it up. (DL)
No one is going to come out and say that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally got married for a swell of Oscar goodwill. They would have gotten married anyway. The timing is interesting though, especially with this formulaic new Unbroken trailer in the mix. (Lainey)
Okay, men. I guess it’s time to reevaluate whether you’re pooping “correctly.” The internet could save your life (er, dignity) on this very important issue. (WC)
Tom Cruise will forever remain a lovelorn tabloid fixture. His latest rumored obsession can’t be real, but it sure is amusing. I will never not enjoy a story about Tom Cruise’s love life. (CB)
Michelle Monaghan is everywhere these days yet still not a household name. Is she less or more famous than she should be? (GFY)
That sociopath who sparked Gamergate regrets nothing: “If I could go back in time and tell myself not to do this. I wouldn’t. That is, I wouldn’t tell myself not to. Because it’s for the best.” (TMS)
Now that the infamous Spider-Woman butt cover is history, this columnist wonders if it was worth it to crush an artist’s livelihood over a pose that’s (arguably) identical to a Spider-Man cover. (Unreality)
Brad Pitt says the camera stole his soul a long time ago, but he feels so free and Mark Twain-like now that it’s worth the loss. (E!)
Joshua Jackson (RIP) talks about why he and Diane Kruger haven’t gotten married. He shouldn’t have to justify their decision, but on the other hand, women get these questions all the time. (Glamour)
Dane Cook confirms what we already knew about him — he is a disgusting human being. He also just happened to score groupie sex with a few hundred different women during a college campus comedy tour. Let’s hope these ladies can wash off Good Luck Chuck without a permanent STD. Oh, and he says Kate Hudson had onion breath. I hope she did it on purpose. (PS)
Speaking of gross douchebags, Charlie Sheen is a free man again after breaking up with his fiancée, adult fim star Brett Rossi. So you know, go get on that. (ET)
This first look at Disney’s new short, Feast, features the cutest little animated Boston Terrier. (Slashfilm)
Leighton Meester promotes her new album, which may or may not contain a slam song about her former relationship with Sebastian Stan. The clues all point to “yes.” Especially when she calls him “Joker” - the dude has a Heath Ledger & Jack Nicholson fixation. (Bustle)
This grouping of allegedly cursed objects will set you up nicely for Halloween. Do you have a costume idea yet? I’m going as the Winter Soldier’s left arm. (MF)
The GoldieBlox and the Movie Machine App has a trailer now. Enjoy!
Bedhead lives in Tulsa. She can be found at Celebitchy.com.
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