John Malkovich is our new celebrity hero. He directly helped save the life of a man who was severely bleeding on a Toronto sidewalk. Your move, Ryan Gosling. (Vulture)
Speaking of Gosling, if you’ve ever wondered what it would have been like for Kermit the Frog to star in Drive, here’s your answer. (Unreality)
Three years ago, Scarlett Johansson won a Tony Award for her role in A View from the Bridge. Last night, ScarJo looked completely not thrilled to have to attend the ceremony at all. (Celebitchy)
Sally Draper is the best damn part of “Mad Men,” and at this point, she’s the only one who has the balls to tell Don Draper how she really feels about his bullshit. (Warming Glow)
Our very own Dustin Rowles sat down with the IBTimes to discuss his various “Mad Men” conspiracy theories. I’ll let you discover the goodness on your own, but do know that they describe Pajiba as merely a “rather fun” pop-culture site. Ahem. (International Business Times)
Dudes, if you’re going to plan a naked wedding proposal, at least be sure to show up at the correct house. Awkward. (Uproxx)
Aaron Taylor Johnson is being tapped to play Quicksilver in The Avengers 2. Rowrr. (The Mary Sue)
Olivia Munn wants you to know that she’s not just a hot bod — she knows the Pythagorean theorem (but so does everyone who passed Algebra I). (Videogum)
Charming Potato plays with some puppies in very adorable ways. How can you not adore this guy? (Buzzfeed)
M. Night Shyamalan outed himself as the ghostwriter of a certain teen romantic comedy. (Slashfilm)
Sarah Jessica Parker still thinks she’s a fashion darling, and these shoes are ridiculous. (Go Fug Yourself)
Ian Zierling’s debut with the Chippendales show is the most horrifying thing of the day. This makes me want to never have sex again. Ever. (DListed)
Superman has always been a financial hard hitter. For anyone who remains skeptical about this fact, these infographics will both enlighten and entertain. (Film School Rejects)
If you’ve been itching to get all worked up again about the “Game of Thrones” wedding in Lego form, you’re in luck. (Kotaku)
Do you still live at home with your parents? Don’t worry because you’re in great company. Just look at the examples of Jennifer Lawrence, Steve Jobs, and Miles Davis. (Mental Floss)
Miley Cyrus is still twerking it up, and she did so onstage with Juicy J by suggestively shaking her rear to the tune of “Bandz a Make Her Dance.” Essentially, this video shows what it’s like when a girl with no booty tries to shake it.
Finally (and I probably should have included this in Friday’s column), here is the audio of Nine Inch Nails’ new single, “Came Back Haunted.” Sadly, I am not in love with it.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.