In a vain effort to keep the pop-cultural world focused on what was truly important over the weekend (Iron Man 3?), the powers that be have scraped together a list of reasons not to hate Gwyneth Paltrow. At least the effort is commendable. (Vulture)
Kevin Spacey continues to charm his way into our collective pants. Last week, he illustrated the art of photobombing while jogging in Boston, now he’s adopted an adorable puppy, named it “Boston,” and uploaded some cuddlefesting photos. (People)
Zosia Mamet might be big news now thanks to her role as Shoshanna in “Girls,” but she’ll always be the charismatic lesbian from “Mad Men” to me. Sadly, here’s a photo of Zosia wearing a carpet. (Go Fug Yourself)
Wow, Louis C.K. used to be a real babe, and I feel bad for not noticing until now. That sounds pretty shallow, right? Well, check out this gallery of what some of your favorite comic actors used to look like when they were young(er), and let your mouth fall open as well. Mindy Kaling was sooo cute! (Unreality)
This link will probably just preach to the choir, but consider this TED talk as a future source of ammunition for men (or women) who just don’t understand the continuing need for feminism in contemporary society. Slow clap, people. (The Mary Sue)
Mama June (mother to Honey Boo Boo) got married over the “Cinco de Mayonnaise” weekend to Sugar Bear. Yes, this is an actual story, and Mama June looked like the height of bridal sophistication in a custom-made camo gown. (DListed)
Here’s your chance to confess your most embarrassing celebrity sex dream. Hmm, should I do the same? Walton Goggins starred in my most recent such vision (truth be told, it was only a make-out session), but I’m not embarrassed about that at all. (Videogum)
Benedict Cumberbatch not-so-secretly loves his internet league of fandom, but that won’t stop him from acting slightly embarrassed and bashful when asked to voice the word “Cumberbitches.” (Buzzfeed)
Apologies for the mild “Mad Men” SPOILER, but a few of you out there won’t stop spoiling the show for me on Twitter, so I don’t see the point of holding back on this excellent gif of Pete Campbell falling down the stairs while Don Draper doesn’t give a shit. (Warming Glow)
Miley Cyrus, 20-year-old former Disney teen queen and perpetrator of autotuned drivel, has been named #1 on the Maxim Hot List. Miley’s a very cute girl, but this is a completely publicist-arranged deal, correct? (Celebitchy)
Some developers took the Oculus Rift virtual reality headset and created a guillotine simulator so that gamers can virtually experience what it’s like to be beheaded. This is some seriously creepy stuff. (Kotaku)
You’ll never guess the actress in this photo. No really. You’ll never, ever guess unless you click through. (Uproxx)
Slow Monday, people. Thank goodness tonight is the Met Gala (with a punk theme), and at least we can get ready for the party by witnessing 8 tap-dancing actors. (Mental Floss)
Some dude customized his home to look like the Star Trek USS Enterprise, and he probably never gets laid … except on the holodeck, of course. (Film Drunk)
In closing and if you weren’t already burnt out on that Delta Gamma sorority email tirade (and Michael Shannon recently delivered a fine recitation), this ought to do the trick. Here’s Gilbert Godfrey performing his own personal reading of the letter. I am so sorry.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.