Alright, my little skin jobs and meat puppets, first Watson crushes the human competition at “Jeopardy” and now I lost like one hundred rounds of “Rock Paper Scissors” to this snooty NYT robot with its freaky Terminator/Skeletor hands. I am now going to use today’s P. Love to assess the ways in which humanity is winning/losing. THIS HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH THAT TIGER BLOODED PERSON. Well maybe a little. Hush now, go play some “Rock, Paper, Scissors” (Ro-Sham-Bo). The fact that I, a human being, spent so long playing that game? LOSING. (NYT)
Ken Jennings, Watson’s more famous opponent, has exhibited nothing but humor and grace in his defeat. WINNING. (Warming Glow)
Another story in the WIN column is that we humans have invented a car that drives itself! We no longer have to worry about pesky steering or braking or accelerating or being in control of this potential death trap that cou-ah, I see. LOSING. (Unreality)
WINNING! The charming Ms. Cyndi Lauper serenaded an airport full of stranded travelers. Could a MACHINE do that? Well I suppose a CD player could do that. But not with the same warmth. That’s a WIN. (Evil Beet)
The very existence of Alexander Skarsgård? We’ll chalk that up to a WIN, right ladies and gay dudes and bi-dudes and bi-ladies and people questioning their sexuality in general? (Celebitchy)
Someone, somewhere, has invented an umbrella for your dog. An umbrella. For. Your. Dog. LOSING. (Hammacher)
After a long hiatus, Eric Snider’s brilliant Snide Remarks column returns this week, examining one of the few issues upon which both PETA and sane people agree. This? WINNING that keeps on GIVING. (Eric Snider)
We’ll go ahead and call the recent “discovery of alien life forms” a TIE as well because while there are decent levels of skepticism in this article, (ABC), this one is straight-up “B*TCH PLEASE.” (Science Blogs)
I’m really torn on this one, folks. The ability to mail a Kraft Single across the country? Is that WINNING? I consider the very existence of Kraft Singles to be a LOSS. (Low Industrial)
Being able to mail THESE cheeses, however, that’s a WIN. I will say, I find it disconcerting, my little Stiltons, whenever I see an Amazon page with foodstuffs on it. It seems wrong. That’s where the books go, right? (Amazon)
Speaking of The Importance of Preserving Things (can you imagine getting a box of spoilt cheese in the mail…bleurgh), here is a young lady who was buried for 700 years and still looks quite good. Her shoes look even better. We’ll call Enduring Chinese Cobbling a WIN. (Daily Mail)
The person who spent the time to amass this useless alcohol trivia WINS all the things in my book. Did you know that the original shallow champagne glasses were made from a wax mold of Marie Antoinette’s breasts? Well now you do, thanks to this list. WIN. (SUNY Potsdam)
Crazy weird goop that absorbs shocks? Such a WIN.
This fantastic video of scientists pouring concrete down an ant hill and then excavating the hardened results would be classified as a WIN except I’m rather certain a bajillion ants were slaughtered in the process. Not cool. LOSING.
Joanna Robinson wasn’t keeping track. Are we winning? Let her know here: [email protected] or follow her here @quityourJRob