Tell Your Dad That Reacher Hates Matt Gaetz and His Ilk

Dads freaking love Reacher, and I should know because I am one. Did I watch the second season? — OK, no, but I do want to watch the new season where Reacher fights an even bigger Reacher. That’s a hook, baby. In fact, I’m mad that I’m not watching it right now instead of writing this article. Who did this to me? I have children!

Anyway, if you’re like me, there’s a good chance you have a dad who also likes Reacher and, unfortunately, Donald Trump. If that’s the case, remind him that Reacher would punch the absolute sh*t out of Donald and his entire circle of clowns. Particularly, Matt Gaetz, who apparently went to school with Reacher. He’s not a fan.

“That motherf*cker. We are adversaries,” Reacher told GQ presumably while punching through a car door. “It’s shocking to me that the panhandle of Florida continues to vote for somebody — knowing everything we know about him and the promises that he’s made behind closed doors about pardoning certain criminals — he’s just not a good dude!”

Reacher would get into politics, but unfortunately, he’s as incorruptible as a fist to the mouth. You can’t move in that world if you’re not a slimy snake, and Reacher hates snakes. Probably.

“I’m not duplicitous enough to succeed in politics,” Reacher said. “There are certain people that do a good job of staying true to who they are, but they’re ineffective. I think Bernie Sanders is a hero.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Mike, you’re gonna lose my MAGA dad with that Bernie talk.” Don’t worry, if your dad knows and respects anything, it’s not his son the writer that Reacher is a straight shooter who never pulls his punches.

“But it’s like, what has he accomplished?” Reacher added, almost certainly killing Bernie dead. Seriously, someone should check on him.

There you have it. Reacher hates crooked MAGA politicians (and thinks Bernie is a shiftless do-nothing), so that’s something for your dad to chew on while he’s tuning out your mom. You know he hears her, but how does he just sit there watching golf like he’s alone by himself in the woods? It’s uncanny.

As a treat for making you talk to your dad, here’s Reacher doing ballet for Stephen Colbert. Maybe don’t show this part to the old man. He doesn’t need to know about this.