Before we launch into it, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate the people who work at People. They make my life infinitely easier because they report on the important things other mainstream media outlets won’t (or are too afraid to, you’ll see why in a moment.) They also manage to create headlines that bring ceaseless joy, all the while doing it with a straight face. The newest such headline hit us like a ton of bricks this morning: “Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Just Took the Next Step by Getting a New Dog.”
Leave it to People to get to the point. Sure, they got married in front of millions of people earlier this summer; and sure, she uprooted her entire life and moved to the UK to be with him—so naturally getting a dog is the next step. By now you all should know that with People there’s more than what meets the eye, and I knew that they wanted us to put down our back issues of Weekly World News and read between the lines of what they were really telling us.
The yet-unnamed dog is rumored to be a Labrador and joins the other family dog, a Beagle named Guy. If you’re speculating that this new dog is supposed to be just a family pet, you’d be sorely mistaken. This dog is already being put to work, per People
Harry and Meghan’s new best friend will be a welcome addition to their rural walks.
Welcome addition, or the sole purpose for these walks?
Labradors, according to The Labrador Site, were initially bred to be a working dog:
The Labrador was originally bred as a fisherman’s companion, working alongside the men and women who inhabited the inhospitable island of Newfoundland, long before modern conveniences, and technology was available.
This was a job requiring a waterproof coat thick enough to withstand very low temperatures, and an ability to swim in strong currents and for long periods of time.
Imported to England, the Lab’s role changed to that of shooting companion, where his skill at finding game, his ability to carry objects in his mouth without harming them, and his intelligence and biddable temperament would make him the world’s finest retriever.
On the surface, this level of detail may seem like overkill as Labradors are currently the most popular dog breed in America and second most popular in the UK but friends, this is People, you have to dig deeper (literally.)
It’s all there in the initial quote: “rural.” Earlier this summer, The Sussexs signed a two-year lease on a cottage in the small village of Great Tew in the Cotswolds.
Why there? Well, anyone who knows anything about the Cotswolds and buried treasure knows that the Cotswolds has buried treasure. Lots of it.
I’m going to paint you a picture. You’re the second son to heir to the throne. Your older brother has already had children, so your chances of becoming the monarch are now slim to none. While you do have some access to your family’s vast wealth, it’s not your own. What do you do?
You take the next step.
You get married, get a dog, and start making your way in life—by scouring the English countryside for buried treasure (with a dog that can retrieve it). It’s a tale as old as time, and you can thank People for letting the world know the truth.
I look forward to seeing what treasures Harry and Meghan find, as well discovering their newest dog’s name. If they haven’t been able to agree on one yet, I suggest Cnut the Great after England’s Viking King, a worthy moniker to their treasure retrieving dog.