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Eric Adams's Spineless Pandering Might Be Paying Off

By Andrew Sanford | News | October 29, 2024 |

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Header Image Source: Photo by Jose Perez/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images

Do you know how good it feels to be right? Not, like, “lost your headphones, went back and they were exactly where you thought” right (though that feels good too). Think more about something (or someone) you’ve known is bad. More specifically, you’ve told everyone you know how this former (forever) cop with his scare tactics and distaste of libraries was going to be bad for the city where you (once) lived (for 16 years). We’ll call it… Yew Nork. Wouldn’t it feel positively orgasmic if this arrogant politician was under federal investigation and scurrying to curry favor with the lowest of the low?! The answer is: kind of!

New York City Mayor Eric Adams, currently under federal investigation for committing dumb crimes dumbly, continues to dig himself hole after hole. He’s refusing to step down. Seven people resigned or were removed from his administration in a month. The man stepped outside sporting a Mets/Yankees hat in the most jabroni-ass move I’ve ever seen. All five boroughs have been saddled with second-hand embarrassment ever since.

The Adams administration can’t come to an end fast enough. However, if Adams has its way, that won’t happen at all. Now, he’s making a hail-mary pass over the Democrats who got him elected and to the only man he can relate to: Donald Trump. It turns out the man who treats the NYPD like his private army doesn’t like it when political leaders with fascistic ideals are called fascists. Who’d a thunk it?! Like all massive cowards currently in power, Adams wants to get on Trump’s good side in case he wins in (exhausted sigh) a week.

So, attempting to get his lips as firmly around the ring of Donald Trump’s asshole as he can, Eric Adams called out current Vice President and Democratic nominee for President, Kamala Harris, for calling Trump what he is. “I have had those comments hurled at me by some political leaders in the city; my answer is ‘No,’ ” Adams said, presumably because the adage “I am rubber you are glue” would have sounded less childish. “I know what Hitler has done, and I know what a fascist regime looks like. I think, as I have called for over and over again, that the level of conversation, I think we can all dial down the temperature.”

There you go, everyone. If they aren’t literally in the process of murdering millions of Jewish people, can we really call them fascists?! Adams’s absurd logic isn’t surprising, because he’s right. People have, rightfully, made similar claims about his administration. Those same people have helped the city resist some of Adams’s Manhattan brand of fascism, so he can use the same “you can’t call me that because I haven’t succeeded (yet)” argument for himself.

Unfortunately, Adams trying to pander to Trump might pay off. The former President held a tiny-dicked nazi rally headlined by tiny-dick nazis in Madison Square Garden on Sunday. There, amidst almost 20,000 people getting amped up on racism, misogyny, and their tiny dicks, Trump gave a nod to his fellow embattled fascist politician. He joked about the charges against Adams, praised him for hating migrants, and thanked him for kissing his aforementioned asshole.

“I have to tell you he’s been really great and he said they shouldn’t be calling Trump a dictator because it’s not true,” Trump told the crowd. “That’s nice … very nice.” This monstrous bigot may very well pardon this self-centered blowhard if he gets back into office. Then, he can make his triumphant return to the city that (rightfully) kicked his ass to the curb. I always knew I was right about Adams, but the ways I’m finding out are pretty f***ing depressing.