Can a New Cast Save ‘Vanderpump Rules’? Should It?

Vanderpump Rules was flopping before season 11. This was common knowledge. The original cast was dwindling after marriages, babies, and bouts of racist behavior—or, in the case of Jax Taylor, being a total dick, and not even the fun-for-TV kind. Then, a narcissist cheated on his girlfriend, and the fallout changed the shape of reality TV as we know it. Now, social media, podcasts, interviews, et cetera are all part of the vast web of story-building, and average viewers need to quit their day jobs and never leave their couch to keep up.

But while Scandoval may have reinvigorated reality show ratings, it did so by sacrificing itself. The real-life aftermath of that cheating scandal really did splinter the cast beyond repair. Trying to get Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix in the same room to film proved impossible and maybe even dangerous, and everyone else had to pick a side. Rudyard Kipling wrote, “Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.” (See, Dad? That English degree was worth it!)

Filming for season 12 was put on pause after the explosive season 11 finale, and thus the writing was on the wall. I was not holding my breath waiting for an announcement, and half expected Vanderpump to go the way of Real Housewives of Atlanta and just quietly disappear. But, instead, they’re going the way of Real Housewives of New York and relaunching with a new cast, as was announced yesterday.

Are there enough messy twenty-somethings left at SUR to fill such a cast, I wonder? The original premise of the show is that the cast is composed of Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant employees. There are a few young guns left who came in as sidekicks for later seasons, like Charli Burnett, but I highly doubt she’s still working at SUR. The early seasons were good because the cast literally were starving, barely functioning twenty- and thirty-somethings, desperately clinging to their waitressing and bartending jobs. It started failing when they quit those jobs to be full-time reality stars.

But do people like that exist anymore, and in the orbit of Lisa Vanderpump, no less? I highly doubt it—at this point, everyone working for her is probably auditioning. We saw some new faces on her spinoff Hulu show, Vaderpump Villa, but they don’t even bear mentioning.

So, here’s my suggestion. Vanderpump Rules has always, mostly, been set at SUR, which is in West Hollywood, famously the epicenter of LGBTQIA+ culture in Los Angeles. MTV tried and failed to do a gay housewives show with The Real Friends of WeHo, which you’ve probably never heard of because no one watches MTV. There must be some queer-identifying folx working for Lisa Vanderpump, let’s give them a turn. Maybe there’s a gay bar in the neighborhood that needs a makeover, which Lisa can lead so that we’re still using her, and we can follow the people who work there. It’ll be like a Tabatha Takes Over situation but with bars. Actually, didn’t Tabatha do a few bars? Just bring back Tabatha Takes Over!

I’ve seen enough white women getting tequila wasted and 40-year-old Peter Pans cheating on their partners for a lifetime. If Vanderpump Rules wants to survive, they need to go back to the drawing board.