Florida can be relied upon for many things. Disney news. Alligators. Mosquitoes. Phenomenal Cuban food. The Good Place jokes. And now, proving my predictions correct.
It has to be said this is no great feat. I’m not Nostradamus or a classic Simpsons episode. What I am is a man with a keen grasp of the obvious who has started a lot of fires, some of them intentionally. And when people across the Eastern Seaboard started hoarding gas, I — and everyone else more aware than a particularly dense lemur, including most of our readers — knew it was only a matter of time before something went
hilariously horribly wrong. That’s why I ended with, “So if you hear about some fool exploding before the week is out, don’t be surprised.”
A Hummer in Homosassa, Florida burst into flames yesterday morning around 11 am, shortly after its owner filled the cargo compartment with 20 gallons of gasoline. No word yet on whether the occupants were having a gas fight (thanks, THEasscrackbandit!), but one person refused transport to the hospital for undisclosed injuries, despite medical advice. I choose to believe they somehow set fire to their crotch.
Firefighters quickly got the blaze under control though, as pictures show, the 2004 Hummer is a complete loss. Pour one out for America’s ugliest vehicular overcompensation. Tampa Bay area officials pleaded with citizens not to hoard gasoline, since A. it’s dangerous; B. It was only a temporary stoppage from Colonial Pipeline (which is already operational); and C. The Tampa Bay area gets most of its gasoline from cargo ships. 90 percent, in fact. It’s like if Bostonians hoarded bagels because Syracuse was running low. Apparently, Mr. Hummer did not get the memo.
Header Image Source: Citrus County Fire Rescue