Let’s play a game: See if you can guess which of these clips are actually fresh, and which ones are like a week old and I’m including them because I’m terrible at my job and didn’t post a round-up last week. Ready?
Mowgli: Legend Of The Jungle — On Netflix and in select theaters December 7
This is the Andy Serkis version, with Benedict Cumberbatch as Shere Khan and Cate Blanchett as Kaa the snake, which is obviously not the same thing as the Jon Favreau version, with Idris Elba as Shere Khan and Scarlett Johansson as Kaa the snake. OBVIOUSLY. Frankly, I’m a sucker for sprawling voice casts, but this trailer still gives me hope that this version will have something new to say about Mowgli finding his place in the world, between the humans and the creatures of the jungle. And yet, even if we set aside the fact that all the talking animals look a little too people-y in the face, there’s still the issue of why there’s a talking chihuahua in this movie. Look at that header pic and tell me that’s NOT at least a very muscular part-chihuahua dog-thing! At first, I was like, “Maybe Serkis just thinks that’s what hyenas look like,” but then later in the trailer some hyenas do show up, and they aren’t whatever that thing is. Maybe it’s an albino wolf cub? I dunno, y’all. Does this mean I have to watch the movie to unravel this mystery? Is that the hook?
Missing Link — In theaters Spring 2019
A new charmingly animated flick from LAIKA Studios, makers of Coraline and Kubo and the Two Strings! This one seems like it’ll be putting a fun kid-friendly face on the theory of evolution — or at least giving it the voice of Zach Galifianakis (and the nose of, like, a manbearpig?). Hugh Jackman and Zoe Saldana voice explorers who escort the 8’ tall, furry Mr. Link all the way to Shangri-La in order to find his relatives. What I appreciate the most isn’t just that they think dressing Not-Bigfoot in a suit is enough to make him unnoticeable — it’s that they picked a banana yellow suit to do the job.
Spies In Disguise — In theaters… next year?
When Kristy shared this with me, all she mentioned was that the trailer had a heck of a twist. And here’s the thing: THE TWIST IS GREAT. On the surface it should be enough that the movie is what would happen if Will Smith was James Bond, and NuSpidey was Q, and the soundtrack was bangin’, and Karen Gillan and Rashida Jones were hanging around somewhere too. BUT THAT IS ONLY THE SURFACE. And I don’t want to spoil it — you REALLY should just watch it — but I’m saying that I am 100% on board with this movie and can’t wait to watch it and holy crap that twist came outta nowhere. Am I overselling it? Maybe. But whatever, you all know how I feel about animated birds.
Speaking of birds, want a new DuckTales clip? OF COURSE YOU DO!
I know the big deal is supposed to be that Donald is being reunited with his pals from the Three Caballeros in this week’s episode (Bernardo de Paula voices José Carioca and Arturo del Puerto voices Panchito Pistoles), but I think the most important thing you’ll get from this clip is the delightfully dismissive way Scrooge calls them “Donald’s old college band.” Well, that and Donald’s “Party Fowl” fanny pack, which I now covet despite the fact that the pun would be lost if I wore it. Moving on!
Kingdom — Coming to Netflix January 25, 2019
Old-timey Korean zombies? YES PLEASE. This new series focuses on an undead king, and the prince who has to stop him. I can’t wait.
UglyDolls — In theaters May 2019
I mean, I dunno what to tell you. This is a musical kids cartoon based on the plush dolls (that I definitely own), all about letting your freak flag fly and how it’s OK to be different. But it stars Kelly Clarkson and Janelle Monáe! And… Blake Shelton. And Pitbull. There’s a lot going on here, is what I’m saying.
And finally, sexy Santa is a thing now:
The Christmas Chronicles — Coming to Netflix November 22
Does Kurt Russell’s version of Old Saint Nick make you feel all tingly in your pants? Yeah, me too. Chalk it up as proof that with less than 2 months to go, 2018 is still out to screw with your head.