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Netflix Is Trying to Murder Us with #Content

By Dustin Rowles | Streaming | May 9, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Streaming | May 9, 2017 |

Are you a television reviewer, or just someone who likes to keep up to date with all the important series on Netflix? If so, over the next five weeks of your life — as spring turns to summer, as blockbuster season blossoms, as you begin your exercise regiments, and outdoor activities become more plentiful — Netflix has decided to try and keep you home in front of your screens by unloading most of your favorite Netflix series all at once.

Look: I’m still trying to get through season 2 of Sense8 and the first season of Dear White People. I’m alternating episodes. Both are very good, although Dear White People is outstanding. I’m halfway through each. I need to finish by this weekend, because the second season of the phenomenal Master of None begins airing on Netflix on May 12th, along with the documentary Get Me Roger Stone. There’s also Anne with an E , the new Anne of Green Gables series, should you be so inclined.

There’s a one-week respite before Netflix doubles up again on May 19th with the third season of one of my favorite Netflix shows, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, as well as the first season of The Keepers, a true-crime series that looks pretty great and could be the next Making a Murderer.

And remember, for many of us, we are also dealing with American Gods, The Leftovers, Better Call Saul, The Americans, Fargo and Doctor Who, and that doesn’t even include the sitcoms like Brockmire we use to take a break from the heavy serialized dramas.

But should you manage to wade through all that, the next week — May 26th - sees the release of the third and final season of Bloodline, which I have to see immediately, as well as the release of Brad Pitt’s new Netflix movie, War Machine.

You might also want to see Alien: Convenant, Snatched, King Arthur, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales in the midst of all of this.

And then you get only FOUR days until May 30th, when the next season of House of Cards comes out. Season two of F is for Family also comes out on the 30th, but I have already thrown in the towel on that series.

But phew! Once you get through May, there’ll be plenty of time to catch up, right?

Nope. June 9th. Orange is the New Black season 5.

Can we just download all of this content into our brains?

To repeat:

May 12: Master of None and Get Me Roger Stone, Anne with an E
May 19th: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, The Keepers
May 26th: War Machine and Bloodline
May 30th: House of Cards and F is for Family
June 9th: Orange is the New Black

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.