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Which Drunk Are You? Ernest Hemingway, Mary Poppins, Mr. Hyde Or The Nutty Professor?

By Kristy Puchko | Miscellaneous | July 17, 2015 |

By Kristy Puchko | Miscellaneous | July 17, 2015 |

This isn’t some funky quiz. It’s science! Researchers at the University of Missouri at Columbia have published a report that has defined four types of drunk personalities. The study considered how alcohol effects factors like Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Emotional Stability, and Intellect, and grouped the results into four personas: Ernest Hemingway, Mary Poppins, Mr. Hyde and The Nutty Professor.

So which one are you? Here’s the loose descriptions from Time:


Ernest Hemingway
Of the 374 undergraduates who were tested (with keg parties?), the largest group with 40% were Hemingways, named for the acclaimed writer’s claim he could “drink hells any amount of whiskey without getting drunk.” If your a Hemingway, you’re the kind of person who’s personality changes little when you’re drinking.

Mary Poppins
Do a few drinks make you more chipper? You’re a Mary Poppins, described to The Times as “sweet, responsible drinkers who experience fewer alcohol-related problems.”

Nutty Professor
If you’re a typically shy individual who finds a couple of drinks can release your inner extrovert, you’re a Nutty Professor. Celebrate with shots and public dancing!

Mr. Hyde
This one’s pretty self-explanatory: are a dickhead when you’re drunk? Mr. Hydes are “particularly less responsible, less intellectual, and more hostile when under the influence of alcohol.”

The fun and games of identifying your drunk persona with pop culture icons aside, this study published in Addiction Research & Theory hopes to begin a discussion that could help specialize alcohol addiction treatment. Of course, the sincere goals of this study doesn’t mean we’re above using it to nickname all our drinking buddies.

Kristy Puchko is totally a Mary Poppins, complete with bursting into song and toying with the affections of chimney sweeps.

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Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.