What's the Single Worst Movie Moment from the Last Five Years?
We had a real bad weekend at the movies, you guys. Jem was underwhelming, Suffragette wimped out, Rock the Kasbah was racist as all hell. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension was… the sixth movie in the Paranormal Activity franchise.
Not a good new release in the bunch.
But you know what none of those movies had?
None of those movies had a scene where a woman is told by her childhood pet that she gives said childhood pet a boner.
So I think we’re doing OK.
Just in case you missed literally the most horrifying moment in a recent feature film (pay special attention at :48):
That’s April O’Neil cowering on the ground as a hulking, ‘roided out turtle voiced by Mickey from Shameless tells her she gives him a boner. A turtle boner. Look up YouTube videos of turtles fucking things and have a nice lunch! Yes, I know Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came out last summer, but the pain does not end. I had to see that shit, and though I do hate TK forever for it, the experience has given me a little perspective.
“She’s so hot I can feel my shell tightening” (oh, God dammit) might be my vote for most stomach-churning moment from recent years, but there are some compelling runners-up. For example:
*Dawn’s (Meredith Anne Bull) happily ever after comes with the character who tried to use a love potion to magically roofie her earlier in the movie in Strange Magic.
*Fundamentalist Christian horrorshow Left Behind attempts to tackle Islamophobia. (It’s as bad as it sounds.)
*Josh Gad wins a woman.
*James Franco and the child molester Muppet in Your Highness:
*If everyone would stop using rape as a ~*~shocking~*~ plot device, that would be great.
*Transformers: Age of Extinction says “LOLOL statutory rape.” (Floating Mark Wahlberg heads not part of the original movie, but it only would have helped.)
What are your votes? Let’s get some catharsis going. If anyone wants to talk about specific scenes in the Human Centipede movies… please do not do that.