And the Fifty Shades shit train keeps on chuggin’: Rumor has it that the trilogy’s original author, EL James, has popped a much-too-big butt plug in Universal execs and demanded that she be allowed to write the sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, a movie that was only incredibly dull instead of an outright afront to everything humankind has labored to create over the millennia because director Sam Taylor-Johnson and screenwriter Kelly Marcel are actually pretty talented at their jobs. You know what they say about polishing turds.
The jury’s still out on whether James is a deluded narcissist or a secret troll who wrote Fifty Shades drunk one night as a bet, and now, horrified at what she hath wrought, is determined to once and for all destroy her unholy creation from the inside for the benefit of all humanity. It’s 50/50. We do know, however, that a Fifty Shades Darker script (assuming it keeps its book title) penned by James will be a god damned disasterpiece that would look something like this: