When last we dished on fashion (specifically: arm tights), some folks asked whether we planned to ever talk about silly clothing aimed at people other than women. Like, I dunno, men. Or kids. Which is fair, but also — what was the last great men’s fashion innovation? Guys are still wearing the same shit, just in slightly flashier colors. I mean, consider UNTUCKit, the new brand that purports to solve a very specific problem: What if you, a man, wants to wear a button-down dress shirt… UNTUCKED? I mean, how gauche, amirite? They aren’t designed that way! Their length just sorta hangs there, interfering with pockets and begging to be tucked in! So the company designed the perfect dressy button-down, one that will look good untucked: the guayabera. Just kidding! Those have been around for ages. No, UNTUCKit just reinvented the wheel so dudes can wear a normal shirt, untucked, and not look like they’re jetting off on a holiday or something. They didn’t even put a pointless knot on the chest or anything.
What I’m getting at is: Even the innovations for men’s clothing are boring AF. So finding something truly bizarre, truly mind-boggling, is rare. But then last week, GQ did me a solid and rounded up a collection of men’s clothing and accessories… THAT ARE ALL SILVER. I’m not saying that the list itself was so outlandish — I mean, turns out a denim jacket painted silver is just ugly, not weird or questionable in any way. And on the flip side, I discovered that I’m firmly in favor of silver sneakers! If I saw a guy wearing mirrorball kicks, I’d bang him like a screen door. Probably. (Not really, I’m not that forward).
But then I saw this shiny piece of shit right here:
THAT, my friends, is the “DAD SPACE COWBOY VEST” by brand OFF-WHITE (c/o Art Dad). It has an asymmetrical front zipper and a zippered chest pocket. And maybe some sort of belt-type thing? It’s called outerwear, but I mean, it doesn’t appear to be designed to protect you from the elements. If anything, it might act like a Hot-Pocket sleeve if you get stuck inside a giant microwave.
Oh, and it costs $1,270 USD.
So for the cost of renting a studio apartment in East Brooklyn, you could own part of a futuristic astronaut suit that you can go clubbing in. As long as it’s not too chilly out. But on the plus side, you could DEFINITELY go jogging in the middle of the night while wearing it and know that if anyone DID hit you with their car, it would be entirely intentional. Because there’s no way they just didn’t see your shiny silver ass.