Friends, it was inevitable. I tied it on last night, and now I’m dying on my couch. That means a few things:
1) I am most definitely going to watch Hard Target as soon as I’m done writing this because action movies when you’re hungover are the only way to go.
2) It is basically beyond my capabilities to go through People.com and see what my crystals want me to share with you. I’m sorry, but I believe honesty is the best policy here, and honestly, I’m too old to drink more than one glass of sparkling wine in a night now and not face consequences.
3) I’m regretting all of my life choices, in all 34 years of existence, that led me to making the decisions I made last night. This might be hyperbole. It might not be.
Anyway, this is all leading up to a very simple question: what film character would you most like to drink with?
Because yes, I am lamenting the sad state of affairs my body is in now, but let’s be honest, I’ll probably do it again next weekend, so why not daydream of a world where you can drink with Demolition Man himself and not get hungover?
Anyway, because my head is in the action movie genre right now, the first character to drink with that pops in my head is obviously Simon Phoenix.
Sure, he’s a murderer who seems like the type to pick a fight when he’s drunk, but he also seems fun. That’s kind of all you want from a drinking companion.
I am one of those drunk people who talks a lot (no surprise) and yes, I am the specific type of drunk chick that will swear a blood oath to a stranger and tell them they’re one of my closest friends now because we just exchanged compliments in the bathroom while waiting for a stall. So, for me, a good drinking companion is someone who won’t be quiet and will be down for shenanigans. When I drink, shenanigans are all but guaranteed, along with the inevitable midnight pizza order.
So, this may seem out of left field, but Han Solo seems like he’d be fun to drink with.
I don’t think he’d clam up, I think he’d become a chatty Cathy once his cheeks got a little red. I also imagine that he’d be the type of drunk that you could get into a cycle of escalating dares with. Those are always a good idea after you’ve had some liquid courage in you.
Captain Marvel would probably be a blast to drink with, literally. You get a few in her, I imagine she’d start some sentences with “You wanna see some cool s*it?!” and then point her blaster hands somewhere and blow something up.
There’s also Beastmaster, but I think I would only want to drink with him because of his animal friends.
Specifically, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon’s characters in Ghostbusters would probably be the best people ever to go to a bottomless mimosa brunch with.
Honestly, I’d drink with any character those two ladies play because they always seem fun and ready to do something deliciously dumb that you’ll regret when sober.
Finally, the obvious choice and clear correct answer would be Bill and Ted. Those dudes would be extremely rad to go out drinking with, plus they know Death, so that could lead to some interesting hijinks.
Anyway, those are my picks. What are yours?
Header Image Source: Orion Pictures